#anyway if anyone has any interest u can ask me about my ocs either for new book (ghosties) or old book (historical one)

[borealing]

im strugglin so hard with nano this year cos i don't have a set plot yet and getting my brain to start chugging along the tracks to make this set of disjointed ideas into a plot is HARDDDD

[doodler16]

I personally don’t follow Chai cuz he has NSFW art of his feral OCs with animal genitalia which makes me uncomfy and some of his behaviors within the critic community also irks me or makes me uncomfy, so I just have him blocked and I moved on. I don’t make a stink about it or send anons to other people like hehe what do u think of chai (insert accusatory thing here like you’re racist if you don’t agree or something), or continue to stalk him from an alt. I just block and move on. And that’s something antivivziepopparade doesn’t seem to grasp imo. 🤷‍��️ Like it’s not that hard, you curate your online experience and can block people for any reason. But to continue to stalk them, admit you’re doing so, then claim you’re doing it just for “receipts” when called out, is lowkey weird in my opinion. It reminds me of when I remember doing that when I was younger and my ex cheated on me and I blocked them yet would keep viewing them on an alt but it’s not healthy behavior, it just destroys you and causes you to have an unhealthy obsession with returning again and again for so called “receipts.” And yeah, another thing that also bugs me is how abrasive antivivziepopparade is. I agree with that nonny on another critic blog who was talking about how there is no difference between their medicated and non medicated self, they’re the one choosing to be like this and the meds thing seems like an excuse for their behavior.

Do not send harassment to either party in this btw, I just want to get my opinion out. Anon for obvious reasons, being a critic blog myself.

That’s fair, I don’t blame anyone for finding the things Chai likes or does uncomfortable. I personally don’t interact with that stuff or use the energy to search for it.

I’m sometimes on #viv stuff tag to look at some Vivziepop updates or interesting critiques. I don’t see the point of archiving Chai’s stuff especially since Parade doesn’t like them and Chai is super open about their interests but oh well🤷‍♂️

Anyway this is most likely the last time I’ll talk about both of Antivivziepopparade and Chai (unless something mind blowing happens) but if you still send me asks related to them, I’ll read it but will delete it.

[cosmicjoke]

i am so sorry u had to deal with that anon, i hope you are feeling ok! :’) it sucks how shippers make their own reputation bad by not accepting another perspective/opinion :/ and to go to this extent over a fictional ship is just… something else😭 i’ll never understand how some can’t just enjoy their ship in peace and always have to prove it is canon and fight everyone else who doesn’t think like them, as if you can’t enjoy a ship otherwise?

anon just reminded me why i never took an interest in any levi ship, and i probably never will. i sooo wanted to say that i didn’t understand why anon suddenly started to hate on levi x oc shippers, but it’s obvious bc most oc’s are depicted as women and that is against their ‘canon’ ship and beliefs about levi😭 why care so much, levi can be whatever sexuality you want seeing as nothing was confirmed, so just take a step back, touch some grass and let people enjoy whatever they like :’)

anyways, once again im sorry u had to deal with all of that i can’t even imagine how tiring or frustrating it must be to always be attacked/asked about the same things constantly. i love your levi posts and i feel like you really analyze him very well! happy holidays :’)

Thank you so much, truly.

I've said again and again that I have nothing against any ship or shipping group. People can ship Levi with whoever they want. But these people who harass me over it, then accuse me of "talking" about it all the time, but the only reason I talk about it is because they're the ones asking me about it.

The thing is, is I just want to talk about what's in the actual story. Levi has no love interest in the story, either directly acknowledged or even implied. Everything this person sited as evidence or "proof" of Levi being romantically interested in Erwin, I addressed to the best of my abilities. They didn't want to accept it, and then they accuse me of being a hypocrite, trying to claim that all of my analysis posts are based on the same, speculative, inconclusive and flimsy material they base their beliefs on. As if breaking down text, expression, sequential order of panels, and patterns in the text and past character behavior is the same as taking an off-handed comment from Isayama in an interview from ten years ago or whatever and using it as proof of some super secret hidden romantic interest between Levi and Erwin. You can literally look at every post of mine analyzing AoT and find evidence supporting, pretty damn concretely, my conclusions in the actual text. And I'm hardly alone in that. There's many, many great AoT fans who write brilliant analysis posts about the manga/anime, using only the source material. But these people can never point to a single panel or word bubble or piece of text that supports this notion that Levi was in love with Erwin, or anyone, for that matter. They need to site promotional material to try and back up their claims, and extrapolate meaning from the panels and texts which isn't, in any discernible, concrete way actually supported by the text and panels. They literally need to twist Levi's words and actions in the most absurd, nonsensical, illogical manner in order to make it fit. That isn't how Isayama operates as a writer. Even when there's subtext, there's a clear, undeniable line between it and the action on the page. That's what analysis is based on, after all. There has to be a viable, evident reason for drawing certain conclusions.

Levi holding the serum against his chest, or touching Erwin's hand when he took the serum from him, or him thinking of Erwin when wondering who he could revive, none of that is enough proof in and of itself to support a romantic interest between them. I tried explaining to this person what those things actually indicate within the story. The last two don't mean anything. It's just how the panels were drawn. But the first, if this person had paid any kind of attention to Levi's actual relationship with Erwin, and how Levi regarded Erwin, and the reasons he was so loyal to Erwin, would understand that he thought of Erwin in that moment because he regarded Erwin as the leader that humanity needed, and that humanity's future was dependent on Erwin's survival. It's the entire reason Levi tried to stop Erwin from going to Shinganshina in the first place. I come to all of those conclusions based on the actual text and what we know about the characters leading up to that point.

I explained all of this to this fool in my initial reply to them, and they accused me of "brushing them off", lol.

Anyway, whatever. But thank you so much again for your support. I just can't seem to get away from these people, haha.

[lazaruspiss]

your ship, character and fandom opinions are so based. i'm also a poly robin shipper so it's nice to see there are more of us here. anyway, i'd love to hear what are your all time favorite dc ships and why, and if you have any headcanons (sfw and nsfw) about them. or you can just ramble about any fic ideas you have, the ones you've mentioned already are very interesting.

thank u for the compliments and also the many things to talk about!! <3 mwah! (readmore added bc of length)

picking a favorite ship is so hard, because im a multishipper and real big on leaving my options open so that i have the most opportunity in any given story!! like, brudick and sladick are both ones i love for dark stories, but they each give such different angles and paths that you can take. all combinations of robins are dear to me for different reasons. and even within the context of one ship, i can usually come up with a lot of different directions that they can go it!!

i can't even say "X is my favorite for Y types of stories" because with a good pairing theres so much you can do with a variety of types of stories!! so. def cant pick a favorite, but i can list some that i like! they mostly involve Dick, bc my biases are quite obivious, lol.

Dick ships: Bruce, Slade, Talia, Slade/Talia, Tim, Jason, Steph, Damian (but it depends a lot on context, i see Dick as being very careful about not taking advantage), any poly robins combo, Slade/Rose, Tara

other ships: Slade/Rose, Slade/Talia, any robins together, Bruce/Talia (but only if Talia is having daddy issues about it), Nyssa/Talia (Nyssa repeatedly kills and revives her to make her understand her anger at Ra's. the rituals. they're intricate i swear-)(but also in arkham knight Nyssa compares her love for Talia to Bruce's explicitly romantic love for Talia and i've never been normal about that), any combo of the Al Ghuls tbh they're so mentally ill about each other

so uhhhhhh. really you could pitch any Dick ship at me and get me talking. if anyone wants to ask about that list ur welcome to lol

fic ideas!!! i have some shorter ones, like a Blackfire/Robin non-con based on that one scene from tt03, but i kinda wanna take this chance to ramble about my longer ideas!

u may have seen some of these, but i have a series called "days without incident" which is a bunch of shorter than usual fics stringing together random semi canon compliant scenes of Dick being in dangerous sexual situations, which are eventually going to end in a rlly angsty fic of Dick being assaulted and just accepting it. it sounds dark, and it is, but due to the length and format they really just serve as quick writing warm-ups more than anything.

DIDick AU. a friend of mine has been on the receiving end of so many DMs of me fleshing out these alter OCs, to the point that it would feel weird if I didn't write anything for it. the problem is that when I think about it, it all revolves around characters and there's no real plot line to use for it. I could just rant about it, bc figuring out what I want to do for a story about them is really tricky. it's also tough bc it's a teeny bit more personal than I usually go for. do /I/ have DID? unclear. I probably wouldn't tell you either way. anyways, it's an idea i want to more with but it's just more complicated to work on than most others.

suicide fic. "Where The Dead Stay Dead", title in reference to this being in a "Jason Stays Dead AU". i want to take a sort of dark comedy direction, but i have trouble controlling how the tone ends up when I write. Dick tries to kill himself post Jason's death + many other bad times but Slade just happens to pop in to try and bother him that day, and is uh. he doesn't know how to feel about it, the kid dying in front of him, but he drags Dick to a safe house and does some made-up comic book science fuckery to give Dick his healing factor. Dick is not very happy about this when he wakes up. the rest of the story follows an arrangement where Dick searches for a way to perma die and is generally a depressed grumpy bitch about everything, and Slade secretly tries to get him to stop doing that while trying to figure out a way to revive Jason. whichever ends up being easier. a lot of it would probably just be about Slade feeling lost with this "new" version of Dick, as well as the two of them swapping stories about dead loved ones and learning how to mourn.

timcel fic. that was the placeholder title, before i settled on "Nature's Order (As Told From Alpha To Beta)", but i still call it the timcel fic for short <3 the alpha in that title is Ra's, and the beta is Tim. the kick off for the story is that Ra's kidnaps omega Dick to use as a human incubator bc he and Talia had a spat that's left him heir-less, and he kidnaps Tim to make Dick more compliant. it's a really extreme take on "right wing alpha male pipeline, but omegaverse". it's gonna be a lot of bad times for Dick <3 i've talked about it so much with my friend that one time they mentioned basing smth partially off of Nature's Order Tim, and I think that's a good sign that I should really be writing this properly at this point. I have started chapter one! but bc it's gonna be a long one I want to get three chapters done before I start posting, bc having a few extra chapters written will help with my nerves a bit.

[plague-of-insomnia]

never tell me i can send u asks about kuro ill abuse that power :)

anyway thoughts on the canon sebastian & tanaka relationship?? i kinda see it as like a halfway father/son thing bc of the mentor/mentee relationship & seb actually respecting him

maybe also bc of fortius quo fidelius by Idonquixote

Hey, anon. I’ll confess I hadn’t given too much thought to their relationship before I got this ask. I have not read Idonquixote’s Seb/Tanaka fics (yet), but I am a huge fan of their sebard series and have read it a few times.

But this ask did inspire me to incorporate Tanaka into my new sebagni story, Synchronize. It’s not canon, so not directly in response to this ask, but in that fic, Tanaka is definitely a father/grandfather figure to Seb. He raised him and cares for him like his own child. I really adore their relationship in that story. (I’ll be posting the first chapter on AO3 soon, either today or maybe after Valentine’s Day so it’s not lost in the deluge lol.)

As for canon, I do think Tanaka is a very interesting character who isn’t talked about much. I suspect he’s not entirely human himself (how many old men can cut a bullet in half or easily flip a grown man twice his size and half his age?). And I’ve always thought that he knows a lot more than it may seem.

Like, I think he knew OC wasn’t “Ciel” and was truly glad to see he was alive, not bc he thought he was the heir but just bc he loved him and was relieved he had survived. I also think he knows that Sebastian isn’t just some butler. Whether he knows he’s not human or that he’s a demon, ofc I can’t say. But he definitely seems to have suspicions.

For example, when Seb comes back to life he doesn’t seem surprised, and even scoffs, “A Phantomhive butler dying before his master…unheard of” or something to that effect, but in a way that it’s like he was saying “yeah I know this whole thing was a setup.”

Even though I had not given it too much thought, I do think Sebastian does respect Tanaka as “the epitome of a butler” and as such has looked to him for advice and such. Even if he doesn’t always take it (like in the Green Witch arc), I think he acknowledges that Tanaka has served the Phantomhives well and loyally for years and that means something.

Since he’s a demon, I’m not sure if I could describe a relationship with anyone in familial terms bc I don’t think Seb would look at it that way. But I do think there aren’t many humans that have earned his respect, and I suspect Tanaka is one of them. I think part of why he knew he could be “dead” and unable to directly protect Ciel was because Tanaka would be there. Not only as protector but to keep the household running as well.

I think it’s also significant that Tanaka is the one who Seb will allow to do whatever while the other servants are always being yelled at.

Thanks for the ask, Anon. It was fun to think about. Im sorry I couldn’t respond sooner. At first it was bc I was genuinely taking time to process it and think and then bc life got in the way.

I don’t mind asks like this at all, so feel free to send any and I’ll respond when I can. (^_^)

[ruerock]

What are your dr ocs relationships with each other! Like are any of them friends? In my mind I'm imagining Keiki and Chami being besties and throwing the best tea party ever

thank you so much for the question!!! and omg im absolutely delighted that people point out Keiki and Chami looking like they could be besties/gfs - because they are! im going to go into details under the cut :D

Keiki and Chami are what i like to call one-sided rivals to best friends- since they share a "similar" ultimate, from the start Chami feels a little bit thrown into a competition. See, the thing with Chami is that she tries REALLY hard to cater to other people and her perfectionism makes her push herself a little too hard to the point its overwhelming to others and in turn makes her insecure. this is the total opposite of Keiki who is an effortless people magnet- even the grumpiest in the group like her. this makes Chami really jealous so in her head Keiki becomes her rival and she avoids her altogether. Keiki doesn't hold any negative feelings for Chami although she can tell Chami dislikes her- so accordingly, she is not a fan either.

this changes after the second trial though- when Keiki successfully protects Chami from unjust accusations. Chami is like "WAIT so you actually don't hate me and don't want to steal all my friends from me???" and Keiki is like "girl NO? where did that come from, i was hoping for us to be friends!" and Chami is like "oh. oh 🥺" and they have a very heart-warming "conflict" resolving moment that is interrupted by Jun going "umm ladies i think we're in the middle of murder investigation?" to which they go "RIGHT. im so sorry"

they become best friends after that! inseparable too. turns out they work amazingly well together and like u guessed, they throw the best tea parties ever!

they're hinted to have feelings for each other too- after Paris (who went to american school before) suggest they organise a prom night, Keiki and Chami work hard for it to be perfect. and when the prom night comes they also realize they were so busy they forgot to get a partner!! which, you know, isnt that tragic because turns out they both planned to ask each other <3

me when i go on 34324 pages essay on Keiki and Chami ANYWAYS. one last fun fact i wanted Keiki's hair to resemble cinnamon rolls and for Chami's hair to resemble croissants with the ribbons being like "chocolate toppings"! not sure if it shows through so i thought ill throw it out there :3

from other's distinctive relationships we have Paris and Yami- theyre complex as they are kind of working against each other all the time, but Paris wants to prove herself innocent to Yami and by proximity pretends to want to befriend her. Yami is very weak for kindness shown her way but shes also very smart so this is very hard for her- she's basically having to battle between rationality and feelings. if the game was from her perspective it would be "danganronpa: yami's struggle between wanting justice and crushing easily". Although Paris quite literally gaslights her all the way, she does eventually put so much work into befriending her that the feelings overtime just become a little bit real

i think im gonna wrap it up so no one falls asleep on my post (although if you're curious about anyone else im super happy to answer! :D) BUT i also wanted to mention Kei here since i noticed a lot of people like him- Kei is bros with Kenichi, friends with Akane and also the only person Yami has to a real friend too, he's super sweet to her! Kei is "autistic - loves to talk" and Yami is "autistic - loves to listen" so theyre very wholesome together :'3

IF ANYONE GOT THIS FAR THANK YOU FOR READING it means a lot to me that people r actually interested in it wah!! <3

[meteorologears]

Someone sent c22 already so I'll give you a couple for the other two

Girlverse Clevbar for the ships :}

And for the character- Couture 17 tamiz (do ocs count? They should 😋)

Omg hiiii aud!!!!! Thanks for the ask !! :D

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: The 25th of May 2022 at approximately 7:16 in the morning

My thoughts: I like the regular universe in absolutes... however I do feel like there's more you can add to the characters in the girlverse. Example: Clevinger is the kind of guy to be big into social justice in the way that doesn't really help anyone, but it makes more sense to do it being part of at least one marginalized community--something that's not gained with regular book Clevinger. It's almost more introspective than the fast-paced c22 humour even though it's still in the same vein.

What makes me happy about them: Something something the inherent homoeroticism of being the only person who can stand the other person for long periods of time. In all seriousness, I appreciate the consistent banter and the enjoyment of having the other person around. Dunbar gets longer days. Clevinger gets entertaining arguments. There's something for each of them.

What makes me sad about them: In canon, it's a short-lived relationship. They die, or at least one of them dies, or there's something that cuts off the relationship before either of them is ready. Actually, it feeds more into their individual themes as characters; Dunbar is resigned to her own death but doesn't seem to take into account the effects of other's deaths on her.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Lol I do think only 3 people (including myself) have written fanfic about regular clevinger/dunbar let alone the girlverse version (just me). I don't think they communicate particularly well, which I write in even though it annoys me (I write it anyway because it's accurate. Whatever. I'll just have to suffer). Or when I make a philosophy allusion, post the fanfic, read 2 books about that philosophy, and find inconsistencies in my wording/phrasing. That, too.

Things I look for in fanfic: I look for fanfic!! It would be incredibly cool to me if someone else ever wrote this niche and hyperspecific thing and I'd be insane about it.

My wishlist: Hmmm this is tough. I think Heller should've written them interacting at least one other time before they were written out. Otherwise just for more fanfic to exist that I didn't write, that'd be cool too :]

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: I've never given this much thought, actually. I think they're both nightmares in their own respect, but given that Yossarian is friends with both of them, he might be able to tolerate that.

My happily ever after for them: Either they go to Hell together in the ClosingTimeverse and spend eternity like that OR neither of them is actually dead but someone has amnesia/something else that makes rekindling after several years difficult. Clevinger gets tenured and no less insufferable. Dunbar picks up a boring hobby and works a boring job and gets some passion for something in her life. They adopt a kid. It's not happy exactly, but it's where they ought to be.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

[for those wondering, this one of my characters from my original novel, 17 Tamiz (An all-too familiar tale of arcadia descending) that you can read here.]

How I feel about this character: She's entertaining to me to write. She's an interesting case because she's the only non-chapter character who's still a main character, and her story is only told in letters she's written as an epilogue. She's interesting to me too, mainly because she never means what she says and never says anything she means, even though she always has other's best interests at heart.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Eloise Rosales

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Tex Knapp. Eldringhoff is a close second.

My unpopular opinion about this character: She's more of a rule-follower than her romantic interest and narrative foil, Rosales.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: One thing I wish would happen but I will not write is for her to have a happy ending. I wish she would dial it back before disappearing forcibly--however, doing so would take away the tragedy that she inherently represents. To get caught in a whirlwind and destroy yourself--why, I'd say that's human. :(

Favorite friendship for this character: Probably Tex Knapp too. They are best friends.

My crossover ship: Haha I have no idea!!

[juhihuji]

do u have any random facts or things about Depth of heaven and ur characters (sfw or nsfw 🤭) even if what you want never comes to light, I really enjoy reading the concepts and asks about ur OCs

Hehehe I haven't thought about the characters and their story in a long time, until recently...but I never put a huge amount of thought into them before either! I kinda just knew I...wished I could make something cool that had everything I wanted in that kind of game lmao. Even if it doesn't happen, I felt like I wanted there to be twists and secrets...if it never happens then nobody but me will ever know about them, huh! But, if it does happen then I'll spoil stuff for later! What to do...ah I'll share about it! But I'm giving it a spoiler warning for something that doesn't exist anyway lmao Also I'm not a writer or a scientist this is all wacky world rules ok xd also there might be inconsistencies idk I never wrote anything down I'll tell u their heights! June: 5'4 Puzzle: 6'3 Koa: 5'6 Adam: 6'1 Keizo: 6'7 Lloyd: 5'11 Static: 6' Cyril: 5'9 Holly: 5'7

In high school June and Puzzle were da weeaboos who listened to vocaloid on their phones at lunch. Puzzle wore cat ears, big headphones, and tutus to school. I think....I decided that because of her old bad design lmao. I thought I had a drawing of her in cat ears but I can't find it 😔 June prolly just wore hoodies and graphic t-shirts. They were each others prom dates! June wore a tux! Okay spoilery stuff ahead!

I have a general idea what I want the story to be, but right now I just see it as disjointed scenes in my head. I posted some June and Puzzle wearing dresses where I wanted a scene to happen in a casino on the ship. Cruise ship casinos are kinda lame though lol, but it'll be as big and cool as I want >:•3 and it's an excuse to have everyone in cool formal wear cuz that's always fun! The cult leader calls for a big party on the ship and everyone has to attend! It's also where he culls the herd...because not everyone is worthy of going to heaven...apparently Koa likes playing video games! He's on the top of the leaderboard for one MMO, and during one event the top prize was blueprints for an in-game item: roller skates! It would make for cool merch to put on your wall or something. There was a rumor among the playerbase that the blueprints could make skates that function as they do in the game. Koa won the prints then used them to custom build his own skates (they look kinda generic now but I haven't put a lot of thought into their design lmao). The combination of materials used and construction give them a magical quality that allows him to skate faster than any human could! He's always pushing his limits, and sometimes it gets him in twubble xd Keizo has an issue with bad dreams...at night he replays all the times in his life where people were rude to him or each other, how he needs to keep peace between them, he just really hates assholes! He has nightmares about them treating him badly and there's nothing he can do, because at his height and with his strength he'd come off as the bad guy no matter what! They push and push 'til he's about to snap...then he wakes up! The rage super heats his blood and his skin glows red and steam pours out his ears! His hair is all wacky cuz it holds it's shape on the pillow from all the heat lmao June and the rest of them find out about it when they see steam coming out from under his door at night. Don't wake him up though! If he's still glowing hot he'll sleep walk while in a berserk state. First, it makes him really rude himself lmao. He'll say all the nasty things he won't when he's awake! Second, if he sees someone doin' shit he don't like, they're gettin' these 🤜🤛 In his happy ending you'd see him with his hair flat for the first time wouldn't that be nice :•3 Adam is always doing experiments on himself, kinda just for shits, kinda because he wants to discover something amazing....!.....?!?!??! When he was younger, his sister, who he loved v much, died. He wanted to become a doctor, not because he wanted to find a cure for the thing that killed his sister...because she died in an accident! He wanted to find a way to make people invincible! He's always injecting himself with stuff hoping it'll make him stronger. He likes Keizo as a friend, but to Adam Keizo is a perfect specimen of an indestructable human. Adam's been fascinated with him for a while, but Keizo also just makes for a good subject for testing against! Also, they met when Adam was studying abroad and Keizo came up on a motorbike and attacked the wheels on Adam's scooter. Cute! :•) Keizo used to be a bad boy :•( Other experiments Adam's done: Eyesight like a HAWK Cat ears but for real Jelly bones(?) Longer ween 😳 Lloyd is a stinky tech wiz who likes playing around with AI's and robotics! He has myassive myega brains and he monitors many of the functions of the ship by himself in his server room. When the captain is captured and thrown off the ship, Lloyd uses his know-how and special accesses to make sure the cult doesn't make a mess of everything. He knows about and can see everything that happens on the ship...for fun he likes video games toooo! And plays with Koa! He likes buildin' lil gadgets n tings for fun too! They can come in real handy! nsfw! Stuff past here!!!!!!!!! June, Koa, and Lloyd are all inexperienced!

As a lover, Keizo tries to be gentle...but once he gets into it he can be a bit rough! If you're into it, just enjoy! Or speak up and he'll slow down! Hmmm I was inspired by a scene from the film Crying Freeman (which I haven't actually watched 8•|) of some ppl doin' it in a closet(?)...it's all dark and cramped and humid and their skin is so shiny and glistening it's probably the thing that awoken me to drawing people super sweaty. I just can't help myself 😳 def wanna give Keizo a scene like that. This doodle was inspired by it actually lmao

Adam is patient and gentle! Lots of kisses and verbal reassurance and checking in w/ u. He's aware of his age and he doesn't wanna come off badly so he'll let you do all the pursuing. And June will pursue him hard if she has to! He's also gonna make you beg and ask, just so he's sure sure :•) He loves to sit her up on the examining table n do things wit his mouf n fingers 😳 I'd probably make it an option to call him daddy in certain scenarios...up to u if u choose it find out what happens for urself idk 😳😳😳 or don't

Koa likes to tease you, maybe bully you a lil, but when it comes to intimacy he's a wimp! I just like the idea of making the bully bend to your will, but he likes it. It just feels good to wipe that cocky smile off his face! Step on him! Make him whimper! I know June's a virg too, but Koa is just so easy to tease it makes it feel like second nature. BUT the more time they spend together, the more confident Koa becomes. So! Enjoy havin' him under your thumb while you can cuz it might not last forever! Lloyd tries to stay composed when June starts showing an interest. He's usually alone in his server room, but secretly appreciates her company when she comes by. At first he'll act like he's too busy. He's not used to being around women! As his interest in June grows it becomes harder to hide his feelings! So June notices...and teases him! Cuz it's just so easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYY 😩 Seeing his serious expression crack when you put ur hands in his pants is lots of fun :•3 And he shows you a voice he's never shown anyone else before 🤤 He does his research and with your help he'll learn exactly how to worship u 😌 IF it ever happens there has to b a new game plus where u unlock threesome scenes with Koa/Lloyd and Adam/Keizo :•x That's all 4 now! Sorry I'm fuckin' gross and don't know how to type :•|

[taechaos]

Idea series oc sneaking Tae in the house after he had big fight with his father about something (your choice if it's smutty or fluff or angsty) with a peek of a vurberable Tae? Honestly i think he would change the topic as soon as he started it and prob with sex.

Anyway I'm really interest in their family dynamic since I remember don't know if it was in part one or two that you mention they have really religious parents? And seeing how harsh their dad is with Taehyung it have me wondering how is his relationship with the mother and ocs with both parents, despite everything the seem really distant from their kids, maybe thats why Tae and YN find comfort in each other. OC is the first real bond Tae made with someone so maybe that's the reason of his fear of being replaced and his obsession with her, and ocs mother probably don't pay that much attention to her so that's why even after the incident she still want him to be there. At this point I'm just rambling I'm sorry. And this ask is all over the place, started with a request and ended questioning characters life 💀💀. Sorry hehe.

when i read this yesterday i was literally blown away by this like hOLY shit your analysis is so in-depth at first i was like damn do my characters have more than oNE DIMENSION?? WHICH IS RLY FLATTERING BUT I THINK ITS JUST UR WORDS THAT MADE ME SOUND SMART 💀💀💀 the ending is chef's kiss tho made me bust a lung SHFJJD thank you so much for taking the time to write this its honestly so fucking amazing. hopefully u can see more of their family dynamic in this drabble :)

Rays of sunlight slither through the cracks in the blinds of the living room, allowing Taehyung's father enough light to scan the newspaper he holds in his hand, with the musical, happy chirping of mockingbirds filling in the silence. All of these beautiful signs of nature and peaceful rotation of the earth makes Taehyung tense up even more.

The moment he got back home from buying drugs, his father greeted him in monotone with a, "would you sit with me for a moment?" and he hasn't spoken since. The zipperbag in his pocket crinkles every time he shifts in his seat, making him cringe momentarily before he starts nervously fidgeting again.

This is so awkward and yet equivalent to hearing: we need to talk. God, why is he so silent?

Clearing his throat, Taehyung stands just as his father flips a page with a lick of his thumb. "I'm going to my room really quick."

"No."

"Oh." When will his step-mother return? She's his only hope as he sits down while avoiding looking at his father, whose gaze is set on the black and white printed pages.

It's only a minute later when he talks without diverting his gaze.

"Your sister is in her room, researching her major to get a headstart on a typical syllabus."

"Smart," he comments with disinterest and nibbles on his upper lip.

"Taehyung, how was your attendance in college?" he folds the newspaper and curiously peeks at his son, who is doing a poor job at hiding his nerves.

"It was alright–"

"Lying is a sin, son," his movements are aristocratic when he leans his chin on his fist. "Don't lie."

"I'm not," he stammers and his eyes flicker, "it was bad at the beginning of the year, but I fixed it."

His father pinches the bridge of nose where his frames lie. "I love your sister, Taehyung," he sighs and takes off his glasses, "I want her to do well. I've given up on you, but her? She can accomplish great things if you're not there to influence her. You're a bad influence. Are you following me?"

Taehyung nods dumbly with a racing heart before registering his words and shaking his head. "What?" he blurts. "I used to help her with her homework all the time–"

"You were home once every month."

"Just because you didn't see me doesn't mean I didn't see her," he coldly says. That's not entirely accurate, but it is true that he saw you more than he saw his parents before he started living here again. For you.

His father is taken aback, offended as he scoffs, "You avoided me and your mother, and yet have the face to stay in our home?" He stands up and passes the coffee table that was Taehyung's only barrier to hover over him with distance. "I expected so much more from you, but you can't even do the bare minimum. An adult without a stable job, respectable girlfriend, and embarrassing grades. I'm ashamed to have raised such a boy, for I can't even call you a man."

Taehyung abruptly stands but he continues, "If you can't even pay rent, go back to that landfill you came from."

"I have to pay rent to live with my family?" He's livid and his hands shake by his sides; they're taking you away from him because what? He isn't the son they wanted him to be?

"You've made it clear that the only thing keeping you here is my daughter," he blindly points at the closed door of your room, "and you will have to try much harder to see her again. Get your life together, and you can come back."

Taehyung's face is heated with anger from the injustice. "What the fuck?! This is such bullshit; you're kicking me out?"

His father frowns at his language, growling, "Taehyung! I will not let you drag her down that path with you. When you stop destroying everything you touch, I'll gladly let you live here."

Destroy? He hasn't done any harm to anyone—especially not you. He knows he's self-destructive, but it doesn't extend to his environment. If he fails, it's his failure, but his father takes it personally instead of encouraging him to do better.

The importance of reputation and success in this family enrages him; he's aware that he's not much of an affectionate person either, but a little love wouldn't hurt to witness in the household.

Instead of defending himself or speaking his mind, he obliges bitterly.

"You need to get laid," are his last words before he slams the door and opens the zipper bag to pop a pill. Ecstasy isn't so fun when you're not around, but he can use the distraction. It's been a bad day.

He flips off a stray cat idling around the garden before casually leaving the property.

—————

Studying isn't fun for you, never has been, never will be. Though you hate every second of it, it does give you something to do to make time pass faster. You've been tutoring yourself about things you'll learn sooner or later anyway, but you guess it doesn't hurt to have to study less when the time comes.

You check the time. It's approaching night at 9 PM, and your father wouldn't protest against a break now, hopefully. He only suggested that you should start studying, but you know what his suggestions really mean.

Do it, or get shamed into doing it with subtle glances.

As if that isn't enough, he constantly checked up on you throughout the day. He wasn't exactly giving you a choice, which irks you.

But that's done and over with, and there's a more pressing matter at hand: where is Taehyung? You heard bits and pieces of the argument, but you couldn't get the whole scoop. You worry he's going to go back to his old habits of never being here, rarely seeing you. He would've been hanging out with you six hours ago out of routine... It can't just be you being clingy. Something happened.

You: are you coming home tonight?

The response takes a few minutes.

taehyung: nop

taehyung: but i am coming to ur room

taehyung: cuz ik u cant sleep without me 😖

You: actually the opposite but ok lol

You: when are you coming

taehyung: whenever u want uwu

You: uwu...?

You: just come before it gets too late

—————

So that was a lie. It's 1 AM and still no word from Taehyung. Okay, maybe you're just being clingy now, but it's unlike him not to be clingy. Maybe he wanted to cool off for a long time after his tak with your step-dad, or simply wanted to hang out with his friends after spending all of his time with you.

That makes sense. What doesn't is the slide of your window and shuffling of your curtains. You instantly sit up in your bed and clutch your blanket closer. You watch a silhouette enter your room as you pick up your limp, your tense muscles relaxing only when you recognize the intruder. You put down the lamp with a click of your tongue, ignoring the relief in your pounding heart.

"Hey," he stupidly grins at you. He looks disheveled, clothes untucked and wrinkled, and from the little light you have, you can see his redshot eyes.

"There's also the door," you remark sassily. "Are you um... high?"

He shrugs and crawls in your bed, dismissive as usual. You both make an effort to keep your voices quiet.

"I talked to mom earlier," you ease into the discussion until he butts in.

"That's great."

You roll your eyes and prop an elbow to look down at him. His head lies on his hands while staring at you, mood strangely upbeat. He's definitely high.

"She was a little sad about something, and I know it involves you. I heard you talking to–" You're interrupted with a lingering peck, a little rough in its force but not unwelcomed.

"I've missed kissing you. Shouldn't you be asleep, by the way?"

Recovering from the unexpected attack, you reply, "It's not that late. I don't have to wake up early."

"You shouldn't ruin your sleep schedule," he tucks a hair strand behind your ear without taking his eyes off of you. "Staying up is hard to stop once you start."

"Yeah, you're a great example," you joke with a quiet giggle. Whispering with him feels intimate in a heart fluttering way. His heart pangs with a feeling he can't put a finger on. "You didn't answer my question."

"Hm?"

"Don't play dumb, I'm really curious. What happened with dad?"

"A lot of things happen with dad," he shrugs, "sometimes we play catch–"

"Taehyung," you give him a pointed look, and he giggles.

"You're right, he'd never play catch with me." He groans as he stretches in your bed before trapping you with his arms on either side of you in one motion. You don't know what he's trying to do, but you watch him above you in amusement. "No offence, but when is your mom not sad when my dad is around?" he laughs with a huff.

"That's rude, Tae," you remark seriously, "she's happy when you're around."

Taehyung's smile falters like yours, his happy guise crumbling when he says, "Are you?"

"Pfft," you roll your eyes, "What do you think? I was up waiting for you."

Ah. That's not a very good influence.

"I'm here now," he whispers, "go to sleep. It's okay, I won't do anything, I know you worked hard today."

You agree with a yawn and nod. But even in your sleepy state, you can read the room—Taehyung is especially attentive of his tone and volume aside from being so tense. "Are you alright?"

"I'm in and on ecstasy," he falls back on his former spot, "I can't not be alright."

"Taehyung, I haven't seen you all day–"

"Yeah, because I didn't want to be here," he looks at you dead in the eye, "and I don't want you to be here."

You blink rapidly, slightly shaking your head in confusion, "What are you saying?"

"Move in with me."

He's met with cold silence, so he persuades persistently, "Don't you want to get away from here? You'll have so much more freedom with me, and I can help you with your assignments and everything. It'll be perfect."

"I— do you... Where?" Taehyung is high and he doesn't know what he's saying is what you believe because this is so out of the blue, so irrational, but he describes it like it's utopia; you are not completely against the idea.

"I have enough money from drug dealing to rent an apartment, and you can tell dad that you want to move out to be like an adult or whatever, that you have a stable job, without mentioning me," he rambles, and his dilated pupils are more noticeable up close; it slightly puts you off.

"Wh-what about mom?"

He scoffs, "If she wants out, she can get her second divorce. Don't worry about them; after all, they're apparently the only real adults here," he relates back to not being worthy of being called a man. You shift away from him little by little. "Just trust me."

The phrase is triggering for you, a reminder of the time you were tricked into trusting him moments before your trauma. "We'll talk about this when you're sober," you meekly say, avoiding eye contact.

A wicked smile grows on his face, "I can't wait, princess."

[dechagnys]

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK ( depends on who u ask lol )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( again depends on who u ask )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK

Were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO

Were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / IDK

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

How strictly do you follow canon?

hm.   I follow canon to the point until I don’t.   in terms of phantom there are a lot of different interpretations and versions you can pull inspo from and I tend to mix between the leroux novel and the alw musical ,  and just kind of take the bits that I like and go from there.   the two are pretty different in terms of how raoul is characterised so I’m not totally faithful to either one of them ,  however I don’t think I disregard some of the negative traits in either characterisation either   ???   I try to reflect them in a less fuckboy way.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals

raoul loves so hard.   he is just a smart ,  brave man who loves and respects those who deserve love and respect.   he’s shy and kind and fiercely loyal and is generally considered to not be worth one’s time because he does not put himself on display.   he’s a thoroughly unique twist on a classic victorian hero archetype ,  by which I mean instead of being the bold ,  aggressive ,  rough-tough-no-emotion type ,  he is a man who is very much in touch with his own feelings and his own emotional health.   he is still a strong leader when it is required but is generally more a lover than an aggressor.

Now the OPPOSITE. List everything why your muse might not be so interesting (even if you don’t agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

okay.   so ,  the phandom has generally been getting better ,  especially recently after the livestreams of both RAH and LND ,  but raoul is still very much of background consideration in terms of fanmade content.   generally ,  the r/c dynamic is considered less appealing than the e/c dynamic which is understandable because beauty and the beast narratives are pretty sexy ,  but it tends to be at the expense of raoul’s character.   this also applies to most phantom adaptations which take great pains to develop the e/c dynamic and give raoul barely ,  if any ,  character in general.   ( ie. most of the phantom adaptations don’t even give the raoul character the name raoul )   this ,  however unintentional ,  has given raoul the general reputation of being a ,  to use an academic expression ,  soyboy cuck.   which he is ,  at face value ,  but lack of character development means he’s really not anything more than that.   this leads people to assume he’s a wonderbread boy with zero character which leads to the general aforementioned shelfing.   I won’t claim that raoul is the most interesting character in the story because he’s of course not ,  the phantom is objectively WAY COOLER than he is but that doesn’t mean raoul’s not interesting.   anyways raoul de chagny is my oc

What inspired you to rp your muse?

I’ve mentioned this on a previous ask meme but I love me a good soft boy.   a man who is pretty much completely driven by his love for his SO to the point that it’s at the heart of all his motivations.   really just a total simp.   a boy who doesn’t like being yelled at but also would let his SO yell at him like a dog.   a tall man with a short gf.   a man who would let his gf peg him anyways I’m really into the dynamic and raoul is that to a T.   I’ve always really liked him as a character ,  after being exposed to phantom through the 04 movie I was just really drawn to raoul and more exposure to this character arcchetype developed my interest in him.

What keeps your inspiration going?

- memes - salt - love for my wee baby boy

Some more personal questions for the mun. Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.   ( not as much as I really should since I appear to have a lot to say about him )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.  :(

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES  / NO. / SOMETIMES .

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

yes ,  to a point   ??   I’m pretty firm in my general characterisation of raoul and I haven’t had any complaints so far ,  but if it turns out I’m actually being problematic about something then by all means I’m open to that criticism and would change it.   I don’t think anyone really cares enough about my muse to give a fuck tho lmao

Do you like questions which help you explore your character?

it’ll take me 84 years to respond but hell yeah.

If someone disagrees with a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

yes.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

honestly I think I’d be upset at first since I really love my portrayal of raoul but I would understand ,  because of the varied interpretations of his character it’s natural people would read him in different ways.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

it’s fine lol ,  I think at this point I’m used to raoul being cucked in the fandom although that sentiment is generally going away ,  ALW really played himself when he streamed LND and all the comments were talking about how stupid the changes to raoul‘s character were.   if it’s specifically my characterisation ,  I mean I wouldn’t be thrilled but I’d understand.   if you really don’t like me then pls softblock me and don’t vague about me   ????  

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

that’s a little but of an overreaction but I guess not   ???   I tend not to make a lot myself but I am pretty stupid and I type too fast for my own good so it’s bound to happen.  however I suggest people not make a habit of calling out other people’s grammatical errors because you cannot assume english is everyone’s first language and if you call someone bad at english whose native language is not english   ???  you’re a douche.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

oh god I hope so.   I mean.   my zodiac is cancer and I’m the most cancer-y cancer ever.   if any one of you says one mean thing to me I will start crying ,  I mean it.

tagged by:  @wldbirds tagging: @fantomoir​ @wandersung​ @corpsemade​ @wshdreamer​ @marblecarved​ @dubovoye​ @intoxicatiing​ @aleximedicus​ @partiallystcrs​

[egyptroyal]

things a new (old/mutual/whatever) rp partner should know about me !

fun new meme here ! write 3-5 things a rp partner (or those who want to be) should know about you and tag 3-5 people! it should be related to rp and not to other interests.

I have a lot of muses all spread out on different blogs so, if I can’t choose one of your muses, I’m going to send in a meme for each of your muses. Out of my three primary roleplay blogs, there are four side roleplay blogs. Four of the muses being time lords and every regeneration - incarnation - is a muse of their own. Over at @themadvigilantist​ have 339 V muses, 89 Vin muses, 3 villains; sideblog @tardis500​ has 6 tardis oc muses, here, which is also a sideblog, I have 8 ocs, 12 canonical characters, 52 televised/comic/audio parody portrayals of the doctor. At @pennybraddock​, i have only 1 oc muse. At @drbabygirl​, i have 1 oc, and 4 canon characters. At @thebadtimewolf​, I have a singular time lord main muse with 15 human alternate versions of herself and one angel entity with @nosewitch​ being one singular side blog. Altogether, i have 533 muses, possibly more if I miscounted (or if the doctor ends up getting more that I missed then well shit, i’ll add them later as muses too. So, if you are someone that don’t want a spam of asks your way or thought I would just pick one muse out of your many, you are dead wrong on that and I might not be the blog for you. I’ll slap in a new muse left and right and then think I’m done only to add 20 more out of excitement just to forget about them later on. When I say I am excited to rp with you, I’m excited to throw a small village at every single muse you got unless you pick one first.

I am a very graphic and dark writer with the occasional smut (depending on the blog/muse), that does not censor or tone down their muse but, there are some limits. Just about all of my rp blogs deal with some very heavy subject material, which I tend to write out in great detail. This means you might come across descriptions of scenarios, that are very dark, graphic, disturbing or just drawn out as something that my muse realistically, no one would give/expect that kind of reaction towards in general. However, I have a limit and no, it’s not because it makes me unconfortable writing it, I just get...stuck. Okay, for example with my villain/neutral muses, I can’t write rape. I’ll write with someone that can write that particular subject but, I can’t write it myself because I don’t know how. Murder? You betcha and with detail. Torture? You got it and with trauma. Destroy an entire solar system while making the character feel wracked with guilt over the deaths of billions? Yeah, I can do that with detail on how it affected everyone else on a visual. Rape? Nope, nothing, same goes if you random anons want to just worse stuff, I can’t write it. Don’t know how, won’t know how. Now, that being said, I will never condone any of those behaviors that I describe but, if I can’t write it? Then pick something else. I can tag appropriately but, if my partner don’t tell me to cut to the next day or do fade-to-black in their following response, I’m going to describe that. Why I say depending on the muse is this: some of my muses are into fearplay/edgeplay but, the level where they were probably the reason some of their ‘interests’ are called risk-accepted consensual kinks which, for muses that are vile or evil, y’all gonna have to um, explain it that what you’re doing to them is not a dubcon situation but, a no-dont-get-off-on-this situation-this-is-my-scare-tactic. if you don’t, it’s gonna get real uncensored morticia/gomez real quick and you don’t want it. Other muses on the other hand will actually be scared so, choose (out of the collective 533+ muses) wisely. I’ll give you a list of who is in to what real quick, just ask/im me and i’ll find a generator that show just how much/little they’ll be into a thing.

I use either memes, open starters, greeters as an ice breaker but, also aiming to pre-established starters. So, I tend to make general starter for those that recently follow me in a way that anyone could respond to. I’m not shy to plotting but, for the most part, I’m just testing the waters. We can also im each other, send each other asks or whathaveyou. A jumping board that I might respond to one of your open starters or make a thread out of an answered post that you or I had sent to the other.

I don’t know how to godmod but, if you do it ...don’t be surprised that the muse is gonna fight back?? I only say this because I can’t write physical fight scenes with anyone because I’m so shit at those that I can now say that I have been accused of godmodding (2) twice in the span of a decade on this site by two ppl who (hopefully) live somewhere with free healthcare. Everytime I respond to how my character would counter an attack, there’s always that one person with their muse - that they are clearly in a fight scene - that only I get accused of godmodding out of nowhere. Despite when I look back at my responses on how I word things and I don’t see it (I still don’t. Is there an editor I can ask to look over and what I should reword here??) and the accuser fails to tell me to reword what sentence/paragraph to fix it where it’s not that. If I don’t get a response to what/where the specific bit in my response that made you think/came across as godmodding, then clearly you was godmodding too.                        OTHERWISE, WITH THE REST OF THE PPL I RPED A FIGHT SCENE WITH IN THE SPAN OF THE DECADE, THEY WERE JUST LIKE ‘OH THIS IS FUNKY AND FUN! *CUE TO US VIBIN OVER ANGST IN TAGS WHILE ALSO POKING FUN AT OUR MUSES AND SHIT*’ AND LIKE WE COOL SO MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WRITING STYLE, IT’S JUST YOU MISREADING THE TEXT PRESENTED TO YOU AND NOT ASKING ‘hey what you mean by [action/thing]? could you like rewrite that? i don’t get it, it didn’t sit right could you rewrite it?’ I’LL DO IT, I’LL FIX IT. HELP ME SEE WHAT YOU SEE?? INSTEAD OF JUMPING TO THAT ACCUSATION WITH NO EXPLANATION WHEN A THREAD DON’T GO YOUR WAY?? IT’S NO ANNOYANCE/BOTHER FOR ME TO FIX MY MISTAKES BUT IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT THE MISTAKE IS (while consciously choosing to just point out that in some part of our thread to say only ‘stop godmodding/that was a little godmod-y’ when a muse of mine don’t react/act indifferent to yours and their actions) THEN HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO GET BETTER, DO BETTER, AND BE BETTER IN MY WRITING WITH YOU IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE REPERCUSSIONS/REACTION OF MY MUSES CHOICE OF RESPONSE?? ok that’s out of my system                                  anyway don’t-don’t-don’t godmod but also, if you think im godmodding when i can’t tell where it is on either side ahahahah, u better fucking tell me which paragraph/sentence i fucked up instead of just throwing that word around when you can’t handle when muses don’t automatically shiver at the sight of yours. if anything, they already been there done that over it.

I’ll make a manip, gifset, draw our muses for our muses. I do that. I do that a lot. Ask me, I’ll do it. I’ll submit/send the drawing privately but, manips and gifsets: I put that on display. I will. Ask me.

Tagged by: @blindeddevil

Tagging: @city-full-of-ocs @idontdosecondchances @takumishinobi @paigeatyourservice @girl-in-the-tardis @followthedrums13 @gingersrockstheuniverse @destinybitten @lonelybxstards @theiracademydaysareover @theserpentsjester & anyone else that wants to/sees this

my entire mood @ #4 but, it was made at 3 AM and i don’t have the voice but, the vibe of yvette nicole brown because i got into community again

[minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong]

Sweet Dreams Chapter Six

Lucid dreaming: The process of being aware that one is dreaming. Some researchers believe that in lucid dreaming, the individual may be able to change the outcome of the dream or control their degree of participation in the imaginary (dream) environment.

Description: Lee Eunbyul has been plagued with hellish nightmares since she was a child. Not the sort of nightmares you may be familiar with. There are no monsters to evade, no serial killers to outrun, no auditoriums of classmates in front of whom to stand naked. Instead there is just…darkness. Endless darkness. With professional help, the dreams come less frequently. But after moving away from home to live with her sister, Eunbyul’s nightmare returns, only this time it’s different. This time…she’s not alone.

What would you do if you had the chance to change the outcome of not only your dreams, but your life?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn

Pairing: Namjoon x (f) OC

Word Count: 7.2k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Producer!Namjoon, Bookstore Clerk!Seokjin, Potter!Jimin, Producer!Yoongi, Dancer!Hoseok

Warnings: Frequent mentions of mental illness, infrequent swearing and mentions of alcohol

A/N: Hey guys! Here’s the newest chapter~ I hope you guys are enjoying this series! I’m really enjoying writing it. This chapter in particular was v fun to write. Anyway, I hope everybody is resting enough these days! Please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all!

- Mercury

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Masterlist

Weekly updates: Sunday, 1PM (PST)

Namjoon

“K-i-m-N-a-m-j-o-o-n-.”

I startled a little and rubbed my eyes, squinting at the person who’d roused my attention. Jisoo stood beside my desk, furry brows raised. It had been a few days since he’d bothered to check on me, and seeing the look on his face now I was sure he regretted not coming sooner.

“Been trying to get you to notice for a minute, dude,” he said, patting my shoulder as he raised a mug of hot coffee to his lips. He stared over my shoulder at the monitor before me. “You making good progress with the commercial soundtrack?”

I swallowed hard and stared at the half-finished track on Cubase. Uninspired. The project window was home to several presets from the preloaded packs on the software, nothing like what I’d use at home on my own. It sounded fine so far, or as fine as it could. But there was no heart in it, not really. Instead, it sounded as hollow as it did commercial. I was sure the client would like it. What concerned me, really, was finding the strength to finish it.

“Uh, yeah. Should be done by tomorrow,” I said, and even my voice was lackluster. I pinched my nose bridge and rubbed circles, squeezing my eyes shut.

“You okay?” asked Jisoo, but it was clear from his tone that he was only halfway interested.

“Yeah, fine,” I said, waving a hand. “I’m cool. Just…tired I guess.”

He hummed. “Gotta sleep well if you wanna be a producer.”

I nodded, but couldn’t help but think of Yoongi. He was working as a real producer, and there wasn’t a single night in recent memory when I could remember him going to sleep before the sun rose.

“Thanks, Boss,” I said, offering a smile.

He patted my shoulder. “Take care of yourself, okay? We can’t afford to lose you,” he said with a laugh. It was the uneasy sort of chuckle you give someone when you want them to reassure you.

I nodded. “I don’t have anywhere else to go anyway,” I said as he smiled and walked back out to the floor. I sighed and again pinched my nose bridge.

“Hey,” said Jungkook from his desk, staring at me with knitted brows. “You really don’t look so good.”

I smiled and waved my hand. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Saying that makes me more worried,” he said, resting a round cheek in his hand. “What’s going on with you? For real?”

I inhaled sharply and sighed, shutting my eyes. “Just…I dunno, I feel kinda sick today I guess. Haven’t been sleeping well, and I woke up…forget it, alright? I’m fine.”

“No, keep going,” said Jungkook, and coming from anyone else I might have thought he was teasing me. But this was Jungkook anyway, and he only seemed to know how to be sincere. He kept his eyes on me.

I shrugged. “Woke up kinda sad.”

Jungkook raised his brows. “Huh?”

“Forget it.”

He shook his head. “No reason for it?”

I thought a moment, puzzled. “Well…it’s not like usual, you know? Like when you just feel sad and you can’t really diagnose it,” I said, nodding. “It feels like there’s something really important that I’m missing.”

Jungkook hummed. “Maybe it has to do with work?” he offered, tilting his head with a sigh. “We all know working here isn’t your number one choice.”

I quieted down, staring at the project on my screen with furrowed brow. While I was sure it wasn’t something so simple, that the real cause was still evading me, his words unsettled me. “Maybe…,” I said, shaking my head.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone, typing a message as quickly as I could before returning to the track.

Namjoon: Hey, Hoseok. Haven’t seen you in a few weeks. Wanna go to the beach?

Hoseok: huhuhu…u gonna collect crabs the whole time?

Namjoon: …

Namjoon: Crabs are fascinating…

Hoseok: looooooooooooool

Hoseok: nerd

Hoseok: i’m in either way :-D

I sat crouched on the shore, poking my index finger into the little holes I saw along the sand. Every now and then, something would bulge and shift beneath the sand’s surface, a sign of life. Smiling, I worked my thumb beneath one of the bumps.

“I thought I said no crabs,” grumbled Hoseok as he licked his popsicle. The thing was already staining his tongue and lips violet.

I hummed as I grabbed a small crab from under the wet sand. “You did say that,” I said with a chuckle as I smoothed the pad of my finger along the crab’s back. I flipped it over in my hand and presented it to Hoseok. “See this plate right here?” I asked, pointing to the smooth shell of the crab’s stomach. “That means it’s a female!”

“I don’t care,” said Hoseok with a heavy sigh.

He leaned back on his palms, three separate leashes hooked around his wrists. The dogs themselves were behaving well enough. The golden retriever was resting his blonde head against his paw, eyebrows shifting as he looked around the beach. The collie panted beneath the unrelenting sun, laying on her stomach with her tongue lolling out the side of her mouth. And the pug simply sat on Hoseok’s lap, eyes shut.

I set the crab back down and crawled over to where Hoseok sat with his legs extended in front of him, taking up an entire blanket by himself. I smiled and collapsed beside his thigh. “Feels good to get out.”

Hoseok sighed and, with his free hand, gave my upper arm a firm smack. “Because you never get out to begin with,” he scolded.

I laughed. “Not all of us can be dog walkers.”

He rolled his eyes. “You don’t have what it takes,” he said with a sigh, biting off a chunk from his melting popsicle. “Endurance, perseverance, patience, understanding-,”

“Are you saying you have all of those things?” I teased, glancing at him over my shoulder. I laughed as he reached a hand out to hit me again. “Sorry!”

As my laughter died down, I felt Hoseok’s gaze boring into my skin and, uneasy, I turned to face him properly. His narrow eyes seized on me, scrutinizing. “You seem weird,” he remarked with a cocked brow.

I inhaled quick, ready to refute him, but as soon as I met his inquiring eyes my breath escaped in a sigh end I rubbed my forehead. “I’m…not myself lately.”

He patted my back with an open palm. “Anything I can do?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so,” I said. “It’s been building for a few days. Things just…aren’t settling right for some reason. In my head, I mean.”

“Hm…,” began Hoseok, chomping down on his popsicle as he gazed out at the waves. “I wonder if there’s one cause.”

“Probably not,” I said with a soft smile. “Never is just one thing.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m fine,” I said, nodding once as I swept my eyes out across the glittering ocean horizon. “Honestly.”

“Mhm,” said Hoseok as the pug on his lap stretched, letting out a yawn. He rubbed its back, a fond smile on his face. “You know, dogs are pretty clever.”

“Huh?” I asked, turning to face him.

He chuckled and nodded. “Might not look like it right now,” he said with a pointed look at the panting collie. “But they’ve got shit figured out.”

I smiled. “How so?”

“Well…for one thing, they understand the value of a pack. A close circle to watch their backs,” he said, nodding. “They’re loyal, won’t ever intentionally hurt someone they love.”

“I guess.”

“They’re honest.”

I raised my brows, eyeing him. “Hm?”

He was still stroking the sleepy pug’s back, smiling gently. “They don’t know how to be any other way. They don’t know how to pretend.” He lifted only his eyes to meet mine. “When they’re upset, they can’t lie and say they aren’t.”

I stiffened. “Well…they can’t speak.”

He laughed. “That’s not what I mean,” he said, easily leaning back on his palm once more, watching as sugary purple syrup began trailing down his forearm. “They can’t put on a brave face and go about their day like nothing’s wrong. When a dog’s upset, they howl. And they keep howling until they feel better.”

I exhaled slowly. His words weren’t lost on me. I knew well what he was trying to say. And as I took a look at him over my shoulder, I could see from the way his eyes implored me how deeply he wanted me to understand. I gave a smile and nodded.

“Sometimes you gotta just let yourself howl, Joon,” he said, lifting the dripping remains of his popsicle to his mouth and biting it whole. He pocketed the messy stick — much to my dismay — and patted his legs, moving the pug so he could stand. “What do you say I show you someplace cool?”

Me, Hoseok, and three panting dogs enter a pottery store, I thought to myself as Hoseok began calling for the quaint shop’s owner, like bulls in a china shop. The dogs took to sniffing every crevice and corner they could reach, pushing damp noses against delicate pots, pawing at shelf legs, scratching the many ornate rugs on the floor. I watched with a cringe as the golden retriever began jumping beside one of the organized shelves, likely trying to explore the higher levels.

Hoseok corrected the dog with a soft jerk of the leash and continued calling. “Jimin! Park Jimin!”

“Jesus!” called someone from the back of the shop. From the doorway there emerged a young, wide-eyed, flushed guy with a messy apron and knitted brows. He scanned the floor and saw the pups wandering about, immediately wincing. “Jung Hoseok! I told you to stop bringing the dogs!”

Hoseok laughed and shortened the retriever’s leash, wrapping it around his wrist once more. “They’re behaving!”

“Behaving — my ass,” said the young boy, grumbling as he rubbed his forehead. “If any one of them puts their cute little snouts into any of my vases and knocks it over, you’re paying double.”

Hoseok smirked. “Don’t act like you aren’t happy to see them,” he teased.

Jimin opened his eyes with a sigh, brows still furrowed. “I’d be happier if I saw them outside.”

“Heh,” breathed Hoseok, petting the collie on her head. “Anyway, Jimin this is my friend Namjoon.”

Jimin’s eyes slid over to meet mine and he blinked a few times. “That’s a tall friend,” he remarked. He wiped his right hand on his apron a few times and took a half step toward me to shake hands. I took it with a smile. “Nice to meet you,” he said gently.

I nodded. “Likewise.”

“Now you,” said Jimin, pointing a small, accusing finger at Hoseok. “Didn’t I tell you to warn me when you decide to come over?”

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Do we have to do that among friends?”

“Shut up,” said Jimin, crossing his arms. “I was in the middle of glazing and now my employee’s gotta do it on her own.”

“You got an employee?” asked Hoseok, clearly surprised.

Jimin paused for a moment before smirking. “Mhm,” he said, smug. “And she’s pretty good too. Really interested in pottery.”

Hoseok scoffed. “Don’t tell me…,” he began.

Jimin raised his brows. “Hm?”

“You didn’t hire her because she’s cute, did you?”

Jimin laughed and patted his leg. “Ah, well…it’s not like she’s not cute,” he began, then sighed and shook his head. “Nah. I just…wanted to give her something to do, I guess.”

The words hit me strangely. Was this employee wandering too? Curiosity began to grow in my stomach. “Anyway,” continued Jimin. “How do you two know each other? I’ve been stuck with you since diapers and I’ve never met your tall friend,” he said, eyeing me sidelong with a smirk.

I cleared my throat. “Uh, I had extended family out here, so I visited often as a kid. He lived near my grandma’s house, so we played as kids.”

“He moved here in elementary school. We were in the same year, so we hung out more,” said Hoseok, waving his hands. “Anyway, if you’d gone to our school instead you would’ve known before.”

Jimin laughed. “I also wouldn’t have been bullied,” he joked. I stiffened. Was that something he could be so nonchalant about? “Gotta laugh so you don’t cry, right?” he asked me once he noticed my reaction. He chuckled. “Ah, but what did you want anyway, Hoseok? I can’t really leave my employee by herself too long.”

“Cheeky,” said Hoseok and Jimin only rolled his eyes. “I figured you could show Namjoon how you make pottery.”

“You want a demo?” asked Jimin, dry.

Hoseok nodded. “Mhm.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“With no warning?”

Hoseok pursed his lips. “I figured a great potter like you could do it on the spot…”

“Ugh,” mumbled Jimin, running a messy hand through his hair. He glanced between me and Hoseok a few times, jaw locked, before sighing. “Alright, let me tell Eunbyul first.”

“Eunbyul?” I asked, and the name fell off my tongue in a way that felt…familiar.

He nodded. “My employee. She can handle it on her own, but I don’t know if she knows that,” he said with a laugh. “Just give me a second.”

Jimin turned on his heel and jogged back through the doorway in the back and, unable to deny my curiosity, I followed behind and peeked my head in. Although the place was big and fairly organized, there were large pieces of machinery blocking my view of Jimin. But nonetheless I could see the back of a girl’s head, slightly shorter than him, waving dark hair restrained with an old newspaper rubber band. She nodded once and glanced down at the tray of freshly glazed cups in her hands. I couldn’t hear her, but Jimin smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze. She seemed to sigh before turning and walking quickly to the kiln. With her back still facing me, she set the tray down and grabbed cups in both hands, placing them in the kiln. It took her all of thirty seconds to get all two dozen in, and as she turned and strode toward the vat beside the massive kiln, I watched a few stray strands of hair loose themselves from her rubber band.

I glanced down at my wrist, at the hair elastic I’d nearly forgotten about, and briefly considered offering it to her. But she seemed busy as she dipped chalky cups into the glaze, pulling them out shiny. She set them aside one by one, and there was something oddly confident and precise about her motions. Even the way she used the front of her wrist to push the locks of waving hair behind her ear seemed exact, focused.

Strangely, I found myself envying her.

And, as I watched her back, I felt the unmistakable sensation of an under-the-skin kind of itch, the kind you can’t scratch, even if you try your hardest.

Jimin approached and grinned at me. “Checking out my employee?” he teased.

I flushed and turned away quickly. “I didn’t even see her face,” I said, pouting a little.

He laughed and clapped my shoulder. “Let’s do this demo.”

And it hit me as Jimin began setting up the potter’s wheel and clay. Wordlessly, I sat down on the stool beside Hoseok and the dogs and fished around in my pocket for my phone. I yanked it out and pulled up my photos, scanning them. Sure enough, that photo I snapped at Hyejin’s the other day. The girl with the baseball cap. I saw her, sandy skin barely visible beneath the brim of her hat, Somi’s shoulder in the foreground, the girl drowning in clothes several sizes too big.

“That girl…,” I said, thinking aloud as I stared down at the photo.

Jimin turned his eyes to me and smiled. “Hm?”

“I…I’ve been seeing her everywhere lately,” I said, chuckling.

Hoseok sighed and leaned over his lap to get a better look at the shapeless clay Jimin was beginning to mold. “Make it into Justin Trudeau.”

Jimin paused a moment and squared his gaze on Hoseok. “The Canadian prime minister?”

Hoseok nodded. “Yeah. Do it.”

Jimin sighed and shook his head, not even bothering to respond, as I took turns looking at the photo on my phone and at Jimin’s deft hands working the clay carefully. It was impossible to explain, but the way he moved was inexplicably similar to that girl. Perhaps because she was his employee…

But that didn’t seem right.

It was more that they were both endowed with the same nameless quality.

A precision that only comes from—

“Passion,” said Hoseok in a whisper, leaning over to me.

I flushed, my attention now entirely on Jimin as he molded the clay into the vague shape of a flowerpot. “Huh?”

“That’s what makes Jimin so…,” he began, then chuckled. “It’s what makes him so Jimin.”

I was quiet for a moment. “I see,” I said. I might have been nervous that Jimin would overhear us talking about him if it weren’t for the unwavering focus captured in his eye. He probably wouldn’t have even heard an earthquake. “It’s mesmerizing.”

Hoseok chuckled. “Mhm,” he said. “Reminds me of when we were in high school.”

I raised a brow with a smirk. “How so?”

He hummed. “I remember during study hall, you’d always have your laptop out,” he said, laughing. “Mr. Kang hated it.”

I smiled softly. “Yeah. Told him it was for class president duties.”

“But all you did was make beats.”

I was quiet for a moment. Again, I understood what he meant. It was hard not to with a guy like Hoseok. As kind as he was, he was equally clever. He knew how to say something without saying it. I turned to him and we locked eyes. Instead of speaking, I just nodded my head and offered a smile. He returned it, patting my knee.

“Thanks,” I said as Jimin finished up with the main body of the pot. It was gorgeous, an elegant, long shape that tapered toward the bottom. Looked like the kind of pot you’d put a bonsai in.

“For what?” asked Hoseok, feigning ignorance with wide eyes.

I chuckled, squeezing his shoulder. “Just thanks.”

Cubase. God it had been a while since I’d used it on my home computer.

I sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, staring at the project as evening slowly became night. Yoongi still wasn’t back from work, likely putting in long hours finishing up that big collaboration he’d been working on for months. He wouldn’t tell me who it was with, but his excitement told me enough to know it was big.

I rested my cheek in my hand and sighed, tapping my fingertips against the coffee table. The song was nice, kind of slow. It felt a bit…melancholy but still hopeful. I shut my eyes and thought a moment. Could use vocals.

Quietly, I flipped through my lyric book and paused on a single word. Everythingoes. Written sloppily in the margins of a song I’d never finished. I cocked a brow. Back when I was younger, going to therapy, the doctor had told me something to that effect. Everything goes. Every moment, every pain, every trauma. I sat up straighter. Something about it rolled nicely, both in English and Korean. The lyrics beside it were meant to go with it. Perhaps if I recorded myself with Yoongi’s mic…

I changed a few things around, added some lines where I felt the words weren’t enough, and stewed over it for a long moment.

Everything has to hurt.

That line stood out to me. Silently, I padded into Yoongi’s room and grabbed the mic he kept hidden in the second drawer of his work table. I’d take the scolding later. I fell in a heap once more before my laptop and plugged in the mic. After a few tests, I cleared my throat and began recording the rap. If nothing else, I could find someone else to sing the chorus.

“Like morning comes after night, if summer comes after spring,” I began, and didn’t stop, didn’t stumble. “And every day I stay, because people and pain all die eventually.” I kept going, and even though I was rusty, I could feel some power in it. In the words. “Pray that this wind will pass like all winds do.”

I stopped to catch my breath, pausing the song and pulling the headphones off my ears with a sigh. I patted my cheeks a little, shook my head, and opened my eyes slowly.

But when I looked around, I saw something that hadn’t been there before. More specifically, a darkly clad someone standing with crossed arms beside the arm of the couch. I screamed before I could stop myself as Yoongi crossed the living room floor and sat on the couch beside my head, hunching over his knees to inspect my project with squinted eyes.

“Sounded good,” he said with a nod. I swallowed hard. Without looking at me, he continued. “Can I hear the beat?”

“Ah, uh, it’s still really rough and-,”

He turned to face me with one cocked brow. “Can I hear it?”

I hinged and unhinged my jaw a few times, but he was scanning me and I couldn’t stall long. I clamped my mouth shut and cleared my throat. “Um…yeah, sure.”

I unplugged the headphones and played what I had from the start. “I…I wanna add vocals here,” I said as the song began. “Something kind of…like a chant. Repeating, I think. Like a mantra.”

“Mm,” said Yoongi with a nod, brow low as he listened. I’d have liked if he didn’t listen quite so intently.

“Um…and then here I think I want the piano to get a little quieter.”

“Mhm.”

I nodded and decided to stay silent. He wasn’t giving me any feedback anyway, just listening. Instead, I just sat there like a kid, awaiting my parent to tell me if I did well or not. The song closed and I glanced over my shoulder at Yoongi who by then had his chin seized between his two palms, almost like he was praying.

“So…?” I hedged, eyeing him.

He nodded. “Really good.”

My eyes went wide and I stared at him like I was seeing him for the first time in the dark living room. I could just barely see his lips tilting in a bare smile. “R-Really?”

“I wouldn’t lie,” he said, leaning back with a nod. “Why haven’t you shared your work with me before?”

I stiffened. “Um…well, when we met you were already almost graduated with your degree, and I was just this young kid following you around. I…kinda figured someone like you wouldn’t want to listen to my shit.”

He cocked a brow. “It’s not shit though.”

“I just…I mean, you were a pro from the start, you know? Just…super confident from the beginning. And by the time I started to get really serious about it, you were already working for the label and I was getting recruited by a contract company,” I said, shaking my head. “I figured that alone was enough to show the difference in our leagues.”

“League?” asked Yoongi, brow furrowed.

I sighed. “I dunno. You’re…you’ve always been great. And I’m just…a sound engineer, really.”

Yoongi shook his head. “I’m telling you this because I mean it, alright?” he asked, crossing his arms. “If you got in with the right label, you’d do well.”

I sat up straighter, twisting to look at him properly. But instead, he was staring at my project, still smiling just barely. “Huh?”

“I’m not just saying that,” he said, nodding. “You could be a really successful producer.”

I was about to respond, perhaps pick his brain, perhaps thank him, but my phone began buzzing on the table and I jumped at the sound. Quickly I grabbed it, ready to silence the phone and return the call later. But I saw the name on the screen and paused. Hani. And at this hour…

Yoongi patted my shoulder. “Take the call,” he said, chuckling. “I know you don’t have a choice.”

I turned to stop him, but he was already striding towards his room. He didn’t even mention me borrowing his mic…

Sighing, I slid the phone open and took the call. “Hey…,” I said, and even I could hear that my voice was glum.

“Hey, uh…,” she said, her tone fragile.

I rubbed my temples. “What’s up?”

“It’s…it’s just Sooyoung. The divorce is almost final and they’re talking about custody and she’s kinda caught in, like, the crossfire or whatever. I’m worried,” she said, speaking too fast for me to keep up with.

“Have you talked to her?”

She sighed. “No, she’s not taking my calls. My parents texted me to look out for her, but she hasn’t even seen my texts,” she said. “I’m worried.”

“I understand,” I said gently. “Maybe go home for a few days and spend time with her, you know? Maybe she needs you there.”

“I know I’m just…I guess I’m kinda scared, you know? Like to go to my childhood home and see everything changing…it’s weird,” she said. “God, can I just come over tonight? Like movies or something?”

I stiffened. “Ah…jeez, Hani. I’m…I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“I know, I know. Joon, I’m so sorry. It’s just…I really don’t wanna be alone right now,” she said, voice breaking.

I felt my chest pinch a little. “Hani, why don’t you go home then?”

She sighed. “I told you-,”

“But if you can’t be alone, the best place is home,” I said, staring at my half-finished song. The one that would surely stay half-finished if she came over.

“I think it would be too hard.”

“Then what about your friends? Joohee lives close by anyway,” I said, desperate.

“Joon…,” she began, letting the word die in the air.

I sighed. “It’s not good for me, Hani. I wish you’d respect that.”

“I know. It’s selfish, and I know that. But…I just need to be with you right now, you know?”

“Don’t say that,” I said, pinching my eyes shut. But, to my surprise, my heart didn’t race like it used to. Instead, only annoyance.

“I mean it-,”

“Hani!” I shouted, slamming a hand on the table. I saw there on my wrist that hair elastic. What was it about that thing? “I’ve told you so many times, haven’t I? I’ve told you it’s not healthy!”

“Don’t yell!”

I shook my head, heart pounding now for an entirely different reason. “I’m not yelling,” I said, leveling my tone. “I…Hani, do you have any idea what it’s been like?”

She was quiet. “I…”

“Do you have any idea how hard it was? When you told me on graduation night. The years after. How you knew I knew you were still messing around on me,” I pinched my nose bridge. “I promised myself I wouldn’t make you feel guilty for it. That you yourself felt bad enough. That that would be enough for me too.”

“Joon…”

“But you can’t keep hurting people and expect them to give you the love you need,” I said. “You can’t keep putting me through the pain of reliving everything. It’s not fair.”

She said nothing. For a long time. But I heard the ambient sound of life on the other side of the phone, and I knew she was still there. Still listening, waiting for me to continue. But I didn’t have it in me. I’d said it. I’d finally howled.

“I…I don’t know what to say, Joon,” she said finally.

I nodded. “Me either.”

“I…can’t we meet up and talk this out in person?”

I exhaled, long and slow, and shook my head, eyes falling to the hair elastic on mu wrist. “No, Hani.”

She sighed. “Namjoon…”

“Go home, okay? Do it for Sooyoung,” I said before ending the call and tossing my phone onto the couch behind me.

Quietly, determined, I pulled my headphones back up around my ears, straightened my sweatshirt, and got back to work on the song.

“Namjoon!” someone called as I opened my eyes.

I didn’t even have a chance to react, because the girl who’d called for me had already wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her head in my shirt. It was familiar, this scene. Looking down at the top of a strange girl’s head in the middle of the darkness. Feeling her arms tighten around me. I might have resisted, might have pulled away, if I didn’t feel that same itch beneath my skin as I had watching that employee earlier today.

“Eun…Eunbyul?” I said, testing the name in my mouth.

She stiffened and pulled away, and once our eyes met the memories returned. Everything. Unwillingly, tears welled in my eyes and everything made sense. That wistfulness I’d been feeling all day, the sense of profound melancholia. After leaving the dream the night before, being so close, seeing something so painful, and having not even a spare second to console her…

Instead of saying anything, I swept her up in my arms again and let my head fall into the crook of her neck. She held tight too, like I might slip away if she didn’t keep her grip strong. She smelled like strawberry shampoo and the faint, barely-there scent of clay.

She breathed a shaky exhale and nodded against me. “I’m so fucking happy to see you,” she said softly.

I nodded, unable to summon words for a moment. “I…I saw you again today. At the pottery place.”

She nodded. “I saw you too. Walking away with Jimin.”

“I wish I would have gotten a good look at you,” I said.

“Me too…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

We stayed that way, embracing, for a moment that felt endless. Eunbyul was the first to break away, adjusting her glasses as she did. She sniffled a little, rubbing beneath her nose, and averted her eyes. Neither of us said anything, but it was clear something had shifted between us. Our relationship…whatever it was…was changing.

“Let’s…let’s do something fun tonight,” I said with a nod.

She smiled softly, pushing her hair from her face. She nodded. “I’d like that.”

Gently, I took her hand and shut my eyes. I tried to remember every detail of the place, every lamppost and vendor’s booth. I tried to conjure the cobbled walkways, the ferris wheel, the lanterns strung up in rows overhead. And when I opened my eyes, it was sunset and we were there.

“An amusement park?” she asked, chuckling. “And…wait, is this in Sangdo-dong?” she asked.

I nodded. “You know it?”

She stared, mystified and wide-eyed, at the park splayed out before her. “Um…yeah, actually. I think I mentioned it before, but…something kind of scary happened to me when I was young. It was pretty nearby here.”

I stiffened. “Shit, I can take us somewhere else-,”

She turned to me and smiled, shaking her head. “Don’t,” she said. “I wanna go on some rides.”

I blinked down at her, at the big sleep shirt with shorts just barely peeking out, at the bed hair, at the flush in her cheeks. And I felt myself flush too. I cleared my throat and began strolling toward one of the coasters.

“Do, uh…do you think the rides will work?” I asked.

She hummed. “I dunno. You’ve never tried?”

I shook my head. “I…also had something scary happen when I was a kid. Here at the amusement park. So I haven’t been back.”

“Oh,” she said, pausing in the walkway. “We can go someplace else.”

I smiled and rubbed circles into her hand. “No, it’s fine. It’s just…the only amusement park I could remember. And I remember it pretty vividly.”

She nodded. “Alright.”

“Here, let’s go on this one,” I said, pointing to the swinging pirate ship.

Her eyes glittered in the sunset as she stared at it. “Whoa,” she said, glancing around. “Who’s gonna operate it?”

I paused a moment and pursed my lips. “You sit down first and I’ll push a button or something.”

“Push a button?” she repeated, laughing.

I rolled my eyes and gave her shoulder a shove with mine. “Maybe two buttons,” I said, shrugging. I released her hand she gestured for her to go ahead onto the ride.

She waved at me over her shoulder and took a seat at the farthest row, the one right by the back of the ship. She bounced a little as she waited for me, smiling in my direction as I examined the control panel. Perhaps because I’d never seen it, I couldn’t quite imagine what it would look like and in its place was just a blank metal podium.

I sighed and rubbed my chin. “I mean…,” I began, talking to myself, “if it’s a dream, I can make the rules, right?”

I shut my eyes and imagined a big red button on the podium, one that would give the start a delay so I could take my seat with Eunbyul. As I opened my eyes, there it was and with a smile I pounded it. Told you, I thought, just one button. I heard the machine whirring up and sprinted as fast as I could toward the entrance of the ship. I bumped my shin on the way down the aisle and Eunbyul suppressed a laugh with her hand. Luckily, just as the thing lurched to life, I fell into the spot beside her with a heavy sigh.

“You ready?” I asked, smiling.

She laughed and nodded. “Been ready.”

I rolled my eyes as the ride began to swing like a pendulum, gradually increasing in speed and height. Soon, we were rocking back and forth, sent high into the air and then hovering, weightless, for a fraction of a second before plummeting back down to earth. Beside me, Eunbyul released a joyful scream, throwing her arms in the air as we swung up and down, back and forth. The wind whipped her hair around, and on each descent she had to squeeze her eyes nearly shut. She laughed as we swung and swung. If she’d let me, I’d liked to have kept sitting there forever, watching her smile and laugh as the pirate ship lurched.

But my brain seemed to know approximately how long a ride should be, and before too long, the ride slowed to a steady stop. Eunbyul, with her hair now windswept and waving and her eyes alight, turned to me with the brightest smile.

“That was so fun,” she said, laughing.

It was the first time I’d seen her with such unbridled happiness, an easy joy in her features. And she was beautiful. I wanted her to stay that way, stay smiling, stay messy, stay joyful.

I smiled. “What next?” I asked.

The two of us traveled through what I remembered of the park. It had been a long time since I’d seen the place, but it seemed the memory was nearly imprinted. After all, it was the last place I’d seen with Dad. I ambled easily by Eunbyul’s side as she explored my memories, and we stopped at nearly every ride. The log ride, the coaster that nearly blew out my eardrums, the haunted house sans actors to play the ghosts.

“Let’s go on that,” she said, pointing at the ferris wheel as it sat juxtaposed against the forever sunset.

I raised my brows. “Oh, sure.”

She turned to me and smiled. “Hey, Namjoon?” she asked, almost shy.

“Hm?”

“Thank you for…you know, taking me here,” she said, laughing lightly. “Lately, I’ve been feeling a little better and I think it’s because I’ve been able to spend time with you.”

“Eunbyul-,”

“Ugh, let’s go before I get sentimental,” she said, waving her hands with a pinched expression. I laughed as she led the way to the ferris wheel.

Once I’d pressed the identical red button and scrambled to join Eunbyul in the closed ferris wheel box, the two of us fell into a comfortable, easy silence. She gazed out the window as the blurry horizon that my mind couldn’t conjure, the place where all the colors blended together. And I watched her, silhouetted against the violent yellow sun as it descended into reds and oranges.

“So…,” I began, watching her keenly. “How do you know that pottery guy?”

She paused for a moment before pursing her lips and offering a shrug. “I met him recently. I was spying on him through the window.”

“Spying?”

She nodded. “Because it looks so nice when he throws pottery.”

I smiled softly. “It was really mesmerizing.”

She turned to me with a smile. “He’s a nice guy,” she said. “I think he believes in me too much.”

I shook my head. “I saw you working today, Eunbyul. You were…really competent. It was like watching Jimin make pottery. I couldn’t look away.”

Her skin went a little red in the cheeks and she cleared her throat, smoothing her palms over her kneecaps. “Well…”

“You’re better than you think you are.”

She sighed, letting her gaze fall. “Anyway, how do you know him?” she asked, letting my eyes again.

I smiled. “My friend Hoseok took me by today. He was trying to…embolden me, I guess. Get me back into my groove.”

“Your groove has been off?” she asked, brows raised.

I nodded. “For a while. I’m…stifled. In a lot of ways.”

She nodded. “And did it help? Seeing Jimin?”

I smiled softly, remembering that song. “Yeah. I…I made a song. For myself. Something I believe in.”

She smiled at me and reached out across the small space between our legs to pat my knee. “Namjoon! That’s amazing,” she said, chuckling. “That Jimin. He’s good, I’ll give him that.” She paused and glanced at me. “Let me hear the song sometime, okay? When we finally meet in real life.”

I swallowed hard and rubbed my neck. Nervous as I was for her to hear it, the offer was irresistible. I nodded. “And…just Joon is fine.”

She stared at me, blinking, before she chuckles breathily and nodded. “Ah! O-Okay. Then, uh…call me Byul, okay?”

“Byul…”

She went red and cleared her throat, laughing again. “God, it’s embarrassing to hear you say it,” she said.

I smiled. “Do a lot of people call you that?”

“No,” she said softly, watching her hands as the ferris wheel rolled lazily toward the top.

“Does that bookstore guy call you Byul?” I asked, unable to stop myself.

She stiffened. “Who?” she asked, then snapped her fingers. “Ah, Jin?”

I shrugged, pouting. “I dunno. The guy who was flirting with you at the bookstore.”

She laughed. “He wasn’t flirting, just…bored,” she said with a nod. “God, I guess…I guess I have a crush on him?” she said, but the way she furrowed her brow made it seem like she was unsure. “But these days, it feels a little different. Like…maybe I don’t.”

I smiled, just a little relieved, and nodded. “I feel the same way with my ex.” Eunbyul’s eyes snapped up to meet mine, wide and brown. “Um…she called tonight. Hani.”

She inhaled as if to speak, but only let it go and nodded. “Oh.”

“I told her she can’t come over anymore.”

I watched her expression change, like she was relieved too, and she exhaled slow. “Good job,” she said, meeting my eyes again with a smile. “That must have been hard.”

I shook my head. “It’s like you said. Like…the way I feel about her is different now. Even in real life.”

“Wonder why,” she said idly as she glanced out the window at the empty park below.

I felt my heart thundering in my chest and swallowed hard. Say it, Namjoon, I thought. Say it now or regret not saying it forever. “I can…think of a few reasons,” I said slowly, watching her for any sign to stop.

She stiffened a little and turned to me with wide eyes. “Huh?” she asked. Surprised, but not disgusted.

Slowly, I leaned across the small space between us so that our faces were close. “Byul, I…,” I began, chuckling as the nerves made my words catch in my throat. “Sorry, nervous,” I said, unable to stop myself from telling her the truth.

She nodded and gently took my hand. “It’s okay,” she said.

I took a steadying breath and met her warm, dark eyes. “I think I have feelings for you.”

She was still for a moment, still holding my hand, before slowly she let her eyes drop and her fingers slipped between mine. It was small, but the gesture felt intimate. And the space between us was charged, trapped in this small ferris wheel box. I knew it was stupid, that there was no way it could work. I knew it would be nearly impossible to meet her in real life if I couldn’t remember these dreams, and I knew that even meeting, even seeing her properly, might not be enough to make me remember. I knew it all. I knew it was stupid, and that this moment was finite and that in the morning I’d forget it ever happened.

But right then, I needed to kiss her.

And so I tipped my chin just enough for our lips to touch. It wasn’t the sort of kiss you see in movies. Passionate and frantic and desperate, hands clawing at each other, panting. No, it was…softer. Gentler. She jumped a little at the contact, but I watched with half-open eyes as she shut her own eyes and leaned into me, her fingers still laced in mine. Tenderly, I lifted a hand to rest along the line of her jaw, touching her just barely. I felt her tilt her head to the side and took the initiative to deepen the kiss, just enough. Smooth and slow, like butter melting in a pot. Smooth and slow.

I pulled away first, hand still holding her jaw, her hair fluttering against my knuckles, and stared at her with heavy-lidded eyes. “Sorry,” I said in a whisper. Everything felt hot, so hot I thought I might pass out if it weren’t a dream.

She shook her head and tightened her grip on my hand. “Don’t apologize.”

“I know it’s really impossible, but…,” I began, but stopped as I felt the pull once more in my chest. “Fuck,” I breathed, resting my forehead against hers.

“I know,” she said with a nod, shutting her eyes with a shaky exhale. “We…we’ll meet. We have to meet, okay?” she said.

I nodded against her forehead and shut my own eyes. Even though I knew it might be a lie, nonetheless I responded sincerely. “We will.”

“It’ll be okay.”

“You’re right.”

She nodded and sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Joon.”

“See you tomorrow, Byul.”

And in an instant, she slipped away.

[toxic-lucky]

All the emojis for Joe -u know who i am dndndn

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

Joe is most likely to turn to either Aza or Christine. Normally some stories or walks make him feel better. Nothing actually calms him down except time, so if he’s freaking out you’re kinda boned.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

I’d say freedom, but that’s never going to be something he can obtain, now is it?

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

His wish is to be able to walk through the Realms without need of a prophet. The consequences of that would simply be breaking the world, things would start shattering and the Underground would start overlapping with the rest of the Realms, releasing captured Soulless. Of course Joe would regret it, since it would ruin all of his creations. He wouldn’t give anything, knowing the consequences.

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

Mark and Aza fighting. It doesn’t upset anyone due to the fact he hides it, and he cheers up by leaving the location and listening to some audio-books.

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

Nope, he’s actually pretty level headed. I guess people doubting him, or assuming he’s not high-ranking due to his disability make him immediately destroy them (no coming back from that, have fun being soulless). He never takes it out on his loved ones, and he’s pretty much unstoppable unless Christine is there.

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

None! He’s always down for the occasional fling due to the fact his repulseness is fluid, but he’s aroace and not interested in a partner.

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

They would never, honestly.

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

I guess Aza and Mark are technically his kids? He’s not good with kids in the slightest though, so he dumps any children responsibilities on Christine.

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

The scars he has around his eyes from ripping them out, they’re really bad to the point where they constantly look fresh. When he gets too emotional they start bleeding. He doesn’t like people to know this, probably for shock and intimidation value, but also because he knows it’s really hard to get blood out of things.

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

He doesn’t care, the Underground doesn’t have seasons.

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

He wouldn’t change anything, he’s happy.

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

He isn’t fond of flowers due to the smell always being too strong for him. In a flowercrown he’d probably wear Amaryllis, Bay, Begonias, Snapdragons, and Marjoram. (Pride, Glory, Beware, Deception, Happiness)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

Well, his best friend is his sister Christine. Their meeting was quite literally at the end of the world, and they got to watch the heat death of the universe before he posed the question, “what if we did this all again?”

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

Nope! No one dares to challenge him except Christine, who doesn’t have any issues with the way he runs things.

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

Outside in any of the Realms, because he’s trapped in the Underground. He would totally live there.

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

He doesn’t have one. He’s alright with the wing in the castle he has.

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

Yep, Joe is creation but that doesn’t mean he can’t destroy someone. It was never for defense, but it always made him feel strangely powerful, people begging for mercy and claiming they’ll do better if he grants them a second chance.

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

Nope! Joe likes to keep his space pretty clean and sparse.

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbiddon knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

They’d tell Aza at the next tea party. It wouldn’t change his outlook on life, he’s creation and fate after all.

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

Early mornings, he just walks around the castle before everyone is up and screaming. Occasionally he’ll talk with Danni down in the soul library.

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

He enjoys being seen as royalty, and his subjects like him though do find him a bit strange. He’s seen as a fair leader, but anyone who ever got on his bad side never seemed the same if they got seen again at all.

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

He loves hugs! Of course, with some warning. He startles easily and it can end up with some catastrophic effects due to his power, but otherwise with a bit of warning he’s a cuddly boy.

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

Nothing.

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

He’s annoying, completely disregards the compatibility of people and messes up my job so often. He just shrugs it off as if it’s a game, and as if there’s no method to it. If I could smash his head in I probably would, but I knew better of course. He’s fine though, I guess he just needs to be entertained somehow. - Thoughts of Christine.

❓ A random fact or short drabble! Or make up your own question to ask the OC!

He finds it uncomfortable to change his bandages, which is why he suppresses most of his emotions so that he needs to change them less.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Banter with Tash - Sera and Dorian

Hey all! For those Dragon Age fans out there, I had some brainwaves about my OC, Tash Adaar, the Child of Andraste. In addition to my requested fics, I’ll also be posting some little mini fics I wrote of Tash, kind of like little codex entries. Feel free to request more of Tash if you’re of a DA mindset, as well as any other characters. By the way, everything relating to Tash can now be found under the “tash adaar” tag, included down at the bottom. Anyway, for the first brainwave, more banter between Tash and some of the companions!

Very long post!

Sera

TASH: Hey, Sera?

SERA (irritably): What?

TASH: I get the feeling you don't like me very much. And I don't know why.

SERA: It's because... you're weird. And weird things usually get arrows.

TASH: Huh. I'll keep that in mind. Does it have something to do with me having horns? Because that's disappointing.

SERA: Wha? No! It's because you've got stupid magic!

TASH (offended; starting to cry): What? That's awful!

SERA: (confused noises)

TASH: I can't help that any more than I can having horns. You're AWFUL!

---------------------

TASH: Hey, Sera?

SERA: What?

TASH: I think I figured out why you don't like mages.

SERA: You know what people who try to figure me out get?

TASH: Let me guess. Ar-

SERA: Arrows!

TASH: (heavy sigh) I'm glad you mentioned the arrows. It's part of my point. I think you don't like mages because you're afraid that they'll turn into demons or something. Well, what if I told you I was scared of archers?

SERA: You what?

TASH: When my brother and I were with the Valo-Kas, a lot of archers would see us and assume we were Qunari. Well, the Qun-following kind. And they wouldn't talk to us - they'd just shoot. I used to get so scared every time I saw a stranger with a bow.

SERA: That's... that's shite.

TASH: Uh-huh. But my brother told me that while it was okay for me to be scared, I shouldn't give up hope that the next archer was a good person who wouldn't do that. And you know what? I met you!

SERA: Huh.

TASH: And even though you're an archer, and you play mean jokes, and you don't like me much, I think of you as a friend. So maybe you might make some new friends too!

SERA: You're mad. You know that, right?

TASH: (sighs) Sure. Probably.

---------------------------

SERA: Tashy.

TASH: Huh? Me? What?

SERA: You've got that thinkin' face on.

TASH: I have a "thinkin'" face?

SERA: Uh-huh. And you know what people who make that face at me get?

TASH (bored): Arrows.

SERA: So out with it.

TASH: Can I be a Red Jenny?

SERA: (bursts into maniacal laughter)

TASH (offended): Fine. Don't listen to my amazing idea.

SERA: (laughs even harder)

TASH: Fine. You don't get to hear it! Congratulations on ruining the lives of all the people everywhere.

SERA: (stops laughing abruptly, then loses it again)

----------------------------

SERA: Tashy?

TASH: You think I'm talking to you after what you did?

SERA: (giggles, murmurs "lizards") Come on! I want to hear your idea.

TASH: No.

SERA: Fine. You can be a Jenny.

TASH (suddenly bright): Yay! Okay. So, imagine this... we teach all the Jennies to read.

SERA: What? That's it?

TASH: Uh-huh.

SERA: Alright. Not a Jenny.

TASH: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! Wait. If the Jennies can read, not only can they steal the dirty secrets all the nobles write down, they can train the commoners. Mother Giselle told me that the Chantry sisters only teach the kids who are going to be clergy or Templars. But now, Jennies can teach everyone!

SERA: And how does that help?

TASH: Becau-u-u-se... if the commoners can read, they can learn and share ideas. Maybe a blacksmith like Harritt comes up with a new way of making a sword. He can write down his method, and soon a bunch of commoners can learn how to do it. They can make a guild, and then the nobles will have to pay them instead of forcing them to work! And then, with reading, there's no more commoners getting duped into serving nobles for their whole lives! We can make the commoners so powerful that the nobles will be real scared.

SERA: Hmmm.

TASH: So can I be a Jenny? Can I?

SERA: You're still mad. But I'll think about it.

TASH: Yay!

----------------------------------

TASH (singing softly): “Sera was never an agreeable girl...”

SERA: Hey! I told you, no more of that or it’s the lizards in your bedroll again!

TASH: But... it’s just so catchy!

SERA: Creepy song is creepy. Get it!

TASH (to the tune of “Sera Was Never”): I understand what you are saying to me/ but I can’t seem to help but sing this song/ Trust me-e-e I am trying to stop/ but the song just keeps going on and on.

====================

(When dying) TASH: Oh no, they got Sera! or TASH (insincerely): Oh, no... what a tragedy.

SERA: Other Weirdy's down! or SERA (irritated): Come on, Tashy!

===================

(At the Winter Palace) TASH: Hey, Sera?

SERA: What?

TASH: Why weren't you dancing with anyone? It's fun!

SERA: (scoffs) You like dancing with those gobshites? All Madam Fancyfoots and Lord Lacey-pants?

TASH: Why do I even ask?

-----------------------

TASH: I wish we could get back to the ball. I want to dance some more!

SERA: (giggles)

TASH: Okay... that was either a "no breeches" giggle or a "jar of bees" giggle. Either way, what did you do?!

Dorian DORIAN: Ataashi, may I ask you a question?

TASH (high-pitched): Ahhh!

DORIAN: ...Have I done something to offend?

TASH: ...Um. No? I'm so sorry! It's just... I don't meet many people from Tevinter. And I know you shouldn't believe everything you hear, but I've heard some very bad things.

DORIAN: I apologize, then. I shall refrain from disturbing you in the future.

TASH: No, Ser Pavus, I'm sorry. Please don't stop talking with me.

DORIAN: Perhaps later.

TASH: Aww....

-------------------------------------

DORIAN: You are Vashoth, yes, Ataashi?

TASH: Yes, I am. I'm surprised. Everybody always thinks I'm a Qunari.

VARRIC (if present): You... kind of are a Qunari, Dimples.

TASH: I'm not Qunari. Thank you.

DORIAN: Not a problem.

TASH: Was there anything else?

DORIAN: I was wondering that if you disapprove so much of Tevinter, what must you think of Par Vollen?

TASH: I don't exactly disapprove... I mean, I kind of do... But... Look, I'm not okay with slavery. And Tevinter has slaves. But so does Par Vollen. The whole Qun is a slavery thing.

DORIAN: Interesting. I know less than when I asked.

TASH: (sighs)

-------------------------------------

(After Last Resort of Good Men) TASH: Ser Pavus?

DORIAN: Yes?

TASH: May I ask you a very personal question?

DORIAN: ...You may ask, but I wouldn't get my hopes up for an answer.

TASH: Umm, why is it that in Tevinter, you aren't allowed to be with who you love?

DORIAN (surprised): Where did you hear a thing like that?

TASH: I... uh, I had heard some story about you... and your father..."

DORIAN (gruffly): Ah, I see. Well, I suppose that among the commoners, it matters less. But Tevinter nobles are expected to pass down their magic to children. I myself am the product of decades of careful breeding.

TASH: (to himself): Like Qunari...

TASH: Well, I hope you find it better here in the south. I think that my fathers would have liked you very much.

DORIAN: Your... fathers?

TASH: Mmm-hmmm.

-------------------------------------------------

(After the above) DORIAN: Ataashi, when you said 'fathers...'

TASH: What about it?

DORIAN: Er. You had...

TASH: Oh! Yes, I was raised by my father, a Tal-Vashoth, and his husband, a baker from Markham. My birth mother... she's dead, and I don't like to think about her. Sorry.

DORIAN: Oh. I apologize. You must miss her terribly.

TASH: Not particularly. She tried to take me back to the Qun when she saw I had magic.

DORIAN (shocked): Even knowing what they'd do to you?!

TASH (quietly): You see why I don't like to think about her? My papa, the baker, he told me that I shouldn't blame her too much. She was afraid, and I don't know how her life was. And he was a good man. Both my fathers were. They made me feel special, like I could be more than the monster my mother thought I was.

DORIAN: You aren't a monster, Tash. Your parents sound like very wise men.

TASH (chuckling): You never saw them trying to repair the roof.

DORIAN: Well, if it's any consolation, my mother is very much alive, and I don't like to think about her much, either.

TASH: It isn't, much. But thank you.

----------------------------------------

TASH: Dorian?

DORIAN: Hmmm?

TASH: You aren't mad at me for not learning necromancy, are you?

DORIAN: Perish the thought? Why should I be?

TASH: I don't know, maybe because Varric told me you were drinking last night? And I saw the look on your face when you saw me training with Commander Helaine?

VARRIC (if present): Thanks for ratting me out, Dimples.

DORIAN: I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

TASH (bursting): I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you sad! Please don't stop teaching me!

DORIAN: Tash, please! Stop crying. You are perfectly at liberty to pursue whatever course of study you wish. And besides, there is nothing stopping us from having reasonable discussions about magic despite our differing specializations.

VIVIENNE (if present): My dear Lord Pavus, too many alchemists spoil the potion.

DORIAN: Regardless of your own preferences, I am always available should you wish to ask me a question.

TASH: Thank you, Dorian. That means a lot to me.

======================

(In battle:)

TASH: Dorian! He's been hurt! or TASH: Dorian, hold on!

DORIAN: Tash, no! or DORIAN: Ataashi needs some help over there!

==================== (At the Winter Palace)

DORIAN: Were you just dancing with one of the Council of Heralds?

TASH: Is that who that was? He was very nice.

DORIAN (incredulous): I meant the lady.

TASH: She was nice, too. Everybody's been so wonderful tonight!

DORIAN: Orlais. Cutthroat nobles vying for the throne. Any of this sound familiar?

------------------

TASH: Dorian, if there's time... will you dance with me?

DORIAN: (splutters) Excuse me?

TASH: I've been trying to dance with all my friends! But Cullen was too busy with his own friends, and Josie and her sister were too busy arguing. Leliana danced with me, but then she let Lady de Launcet cut in.

VARRIC (If present): Uh... those weren't friends Cullen was with, kid.

DORIAN: Well... I'd hate for you to waste a spot on your dance card with me.

TASH (disappointed): It's fine if you don't want to dance. I just thought... maybe you'd enjoy it...

DORIAN: (sighs) Very well. One dance, and you don't pester me about seeking out the nearest glass of wine.

TASH: Hmmm.... okay! Yay! (singsongy whisper) I get to dance with Dorian, I get to dance with Dorian...

DORIAN: (sighs heavily)

[jimlingss]

I can't believe you ended chp 16 of Jp like that...i want to fight 😭

if you fight me, i’m guaranteed to be hospitalized ((look at these noodle arms)) and then who will post the next chapter on Monday? uh huuuh, that’s what I thought. Think twice before you wanna square up. (ง •̀_•́)ง

I am now answering spoiler-y messages below, so beware....

[SPOILER ALERT] 

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**!SPOILER ALERT!*

Massive spoilers to come, please do not read if you have not yet read Jungle Park Chapter 16. Or go ahead and read if you’re chaotic like that.

Anonymous said: ok but what if oc and Hoseok were actually engaged....

I’m an idiot, anon - I accidentally deleted your ask before I copied it correctly lol oops, but ding ding ding! correct! you’re a winner!! i believe you sent me this message like 2 chapters ago and honestly you freaked me out by how accurate you were. dammit, I might’ve been too predictable, but you catch on quick. sorry i couldn’t answer sooner hahaha i couldn’t risk other people jumping on the same theory. you’re a genius tho, i’ll give you props for it.

Anonymous said: DATED!FOR 4 YEARS! ENGAGED! Omg wow shit really hit the fan like there is no coming back omg Wowoowoeoeoeooew I’m SHOOK like I never expected that like NEVER!!!

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT!!! i had a feeling it was either a really long relationship or they were engaged at one point. TURNS OUT IT WAS BOTH omg gahdhsjxbjsjs I'm so excited to see this all just unravel omgomgomgomg

kawaii-ing said: FhbsjshJuxYhUgrnziVJgdjsbdud JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16 JUST WRECKED ME YO 😱😱😱😱😱 HE KNOWS AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HE KNOWS IM SO CURIOUS FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW Btw lovvvveeee your writing, thanks for all your hard work boo xxx💜💜

ASDFGHJKL I SAID SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH, RIGHT?? AREN’T YOU PROUD! THERE’S NO CLICKBAIT ON THIS BLOG HAHAHA 

Anonymous said: omgg 4 years? ENGAGED?? I’m ??? jut WHAT happened

:O :O

Anonymous said: BROOOOOOO! THEY WERE ENGAGED :o *insert Pikachu meme*

pikachu meme?? hahaha is that a sarcastic surprise? so you weren’t actually? lolololol :O

Anonymous said: Ahh I loved jungle park 16!! I'm so excited for the angst to come 👀 is hoseok's car accident related to oc at all?

hmm guess you’ll have to wait and see ((but also just putting it out there that if it was related that would be pretty makjang and lol im not about that life with this series))

Anonymous said: (1)oh holy hell Kina,,,my head’s hurting bcs of JP:16. ENGAGED what?? huh. now its one of my fav chapters, like 4-6 (ah those innocent cute baby steps in hoseok’s&oc’s relationship,,,not THIS). but freaking FINALLY someone spilled the beans. i love this kind of scenes, THE truth revelation. chang’s unaware of storm hes causing with his words, hoseok’s world’s simply crushing, oc doesnt know yet whats happening&dae is helplessly watching from sidelines trying to stop the catastrophe&failing

Anonymous said:(2)thats sad. i kinda can imagine what hoseoks feeling now, plagued w question that almost no one’s willing to answer, that drive him crazy.what happened? why did oc hide the truth? what did i do, how bad did we hurt each other? why can’t i remember any of it fuck. its a perfect opportunity for insecurities&ugly thoughts&inner demons to poison his mind. and oc...her house of cards collapsed revealing things she was trying hard to escape. will she feign ignorance again or will she finally face it

Anonymous said:(3)i just hope that in the end after this storm theyll reach their own peace, whatever the outcome will be. past stays in past, but only if every issue is resolved. otherwise it might return later&be worse than before. it was a great chapter. thank you — chem

THE BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILLED!!! honestly the universe is in chaos right now lol Hoseok’s like the fuck....and oc doesn’t even know lol but yeah it’s definitely a sad situation for almost all parties. there’s still more to be revealed tho, like the actual details of what the fuck went on haha anyways, i’m glad you’re enjoying it!

Anonymous said: AAHHHHH ITS FINALLY HERE!! Thank you 💞💞. Wow it was truly a lot and honestly, I feel kinda scared for Hoseok... it’s crazy that he really doesn’t remember anything and learning all this new information is like being in another word. If this story wasn’t one about love and fluff, it could’ve totally turned into a horror story lol. Thank you again and I’m very excited to see where the story goes!!

a horror? can’t say im very good at the genre but that’s definitely an interesting concept....the more i think about it....like for someone to go through something suppper traumatic and not remember at all and someone appears in their life but it turns out that someone was actually the serial killer? dammmmn that would be really interesting. i digress, thank you for enjoying it. definitely Hoseok is lost, scared, confused.

Anonymous said: SHIT’S 🗣 HITTING 🗣 THE 🗣 FAN 🗣 omg *insert “she’s meditating” “she’s dead” meme* and the fact that this is just the beginning??? how?? what?? i’m honestly so skek for the next chapter like i dont think hoseok’s gonna go apeshit on yn but you never know now do you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ superb chapter for reals!!!! like, all of your writing is great but this chapter?? *chef’s kiss* didnt even know i was an angst fan until this chapter lol sending all my love to you!!! - chanting anon

hahhahahahhahaha there’s a lot more to unravel. now the puzzle has been exposed, we gotta start looking at the details. thank you for the message *throws chef’s kiss back* also welcome to the angst realm lol

Anonymous said: finals starts at the 20th and school ends in the 24th and we're still at chap 1 on our research. Due to stress, i thought, hey, might as well read the latest chapter bUT WHO KNEW IT WOULD BRING ME MORE STRESS. FOUR YEARS?! ENGAGED?! i feel like hoseok right now. You make such awesome stories and worlds. It affects me in so many good ways i cant even. i dont always give you my thoughts per chapter but i want you to know that i scream at every single one of them. have a nice day! - anon h.a.n.d.

oh my goodness!!! good luck on your exams!! hahah im sorry the chapter isn’t very much comfort food and kind of more wild but still happy you enjoyed it! 

Anonymous said: PT. 15 & 16?! WHAT. I COME BACK TO TWO CHAPTERS. HOLY COW. but really, like now that I know what I know, I’m so sad. I wonder what their relationship was like. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone and for it to fall apart like that... I couldn’t imagine what OC had to go through. I’m sad BUT THE DEVELOPMENT IS MAKING ME SO FREAKIN EXCITED. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US SOME ANSWERS ABOUT THE PAST. I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH ELSE HE FINDS OUT.

I KNOW RIGHT?? LIKE FOUR YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME. then again that was like 8 years ago. but yeah, it’s sad for both oc and Hoseok, y’know? I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!!!

Anonymous said: Great Jungle Park chapter! I'm pissed because SOMEONE SPOILED IT and i saw they were engaged before i could even click on the 'read more',,, but great chapter! I wish i could've read it without knowing, it kinda made me sad and it was not as great as it could have been.. @people spoiling, fuck off >:(( @you you're the best writer ily u nice keep going!! Can't wait to have Hoseok's full mind process over how crazy it is he doesn't remember 4 YEARS and an ENGAGEMENT (and only 2 dates huhu)

haha chill, anon. did you actually know that spoilers can make someone enjoy a story more? it’s actually a really interesting thing to google and find out more about. the chapter’s still the same whether you had an inkling of what was going on or not. you still enjoyed it too, right?  :D 

Anonymous said: CRAP OK, well, we knew it was something more than two days, but HONESTLY lol I love how you wrote y/n trying to keep it together. I could feel her fear as she lost control of the situation when Hoseok showed up. Do you think in her mind she even slightly expected him to show up? I'm assuming she's very internal w/ her thoughts/feelings seeing as she doesn't talk to anyone about what happened between her & Hobi all those years ago nor has she dealt w/ it, mostly just avoided it, would you say?

oh yeah oc was on the verge of a mental breakdown when he showed up rofl, damn near scared her. he was basically like a jumpscare LOL. but yeah for sure she didn’t expect him to come. i mean she basically told him and he was like ‘ok whatever’ and didn’t express interest and it’s not like he got an invite so she didn’t know he would actually go out of his way to show up. and yeah i agree, oc’s very internal with her feelings, or at least what happened all those years ago. it’s sensitive issues anyway that she’s left behind. or at least tried to.

tofugguk said: BROOO i LITERALLY— LITERALLY LOST IT. WHEN CHANGSUB DROPPED THEM BEING TOGETHER FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS THEN THE- “You guys even got engaged.” PART I SCREAMED. YOOOOO I CANTTT HANDLE THIS

Changsub isn’t the dumbass that we wanted. But the dumbass we needed.

((don’t you love how oc tried so hard to keep it a secret for like 16 chapters aka like near a year and some idiot comes trapezing in and in his first scene he just spills all the beans??? hahahha))

[sweet-star-cookie]

For the ask thing: 15 and 22

HELLO I ALMOST FORGOT TO POST THIS OOPSI’m so sorry I wrote way too much again RIIIIIP

15. An OC that is hard to draw / write / RP

Hmm… that’s an interesting one! Drawing mycharacters consistently isn’t as hard for me as itused to be since I finished art school and gotmy skills up, but that doesn’t mean I don’t havea hard time! As for writing, I find villains moredifficult to write in general, because I’m muchbetter at creating protagonists instead. Theideologies and general demeanour of a “goodguy” come more naturally to me, but I do enjoythe challenge of trying to write a good villain! Ironically however, I have one character who has given me trouble in both aspects before, and that would be Snowy here (I love my owl son though fgfdghsdga). 

His design (aside from his armour) has changed quite a bit over time, because of both style development and the fact that he ages throughout his story. Getting his face right was the biggest challenge at first, as the original version of him ended up very close to other characters I’d made at the time. Theimage you see here is the one I am satisfied with as far as his aged up versions are concerned,but it’s all very much in development still.

Speaking of which, writing him is another interesting challenge. A character like Cassie iscloser to what you’d think a typical young fantasy adventure protagonist would be: upbeat,colourful, extroverted, a go-getter. Snowy, on the other hand, is much more reserved, level-headed and methodical. That’s not to say that I’d want Snowy to be any different though, andthat’s also not to say that he isn’t motivated either. The challenge comes in understanding howhe would react to certain things, including his motivations. He shares the “silent sufferer” trait that I have whenexperiencing trauma, but he does not possess the same rampant anxiety as I do, so I oftenhave to re-write scenes based on that. He’s not one to immediately panic or have extreme emotional reactions to things, at least not on the outside.

His backstory shaped this in him; he grew up knowing it was best to keep his head down andwork through the pain, but that gets much harder for him to do later on as the stakes gethigher. Even the strongest warrior can only deal with so much when people’s lives are in peril 9times out of 10, much less a young recruit like Snowy. He may not have rampant anxiety, but he does have rampant heroism like hisfather, finding a problem to solve wherever he goes, whether he can solve it or not. But unlikePrince Arvais, he doesn’t do it for the sake of flourish or fame, and therefore doesn’t care muchfor the spotlight. His inherent desire to help does wear on him as he learns of the realities ofbeing a knight, and his wings carry a lot more societal weight than he first realized. I can definitely relate to certain aspects of this setup, but if I were in this situation I would react very differently, and that’s what I have to consider with Snowy’s character.

Another challenge comes in not making him boring either. As I said earlier, having a morereserved character doesn’t always lend itself as easily to an interesting protagonist, but I knowit can be done. It is possible that the other characters with more outward personalities mightseem more interesting than Snowy anyway, but as long as I still give him a well-developed andwell-rounded character, he should do just fine. ;u; I want to do him justice as best I can, even if it requires more re-writes than usual.

22. An OC you didn’t expect to love

Honestly I love all of my OCs by default, but there is one that I wasn’t expecting to getattached to as much as I did, and that would be my boy Scorpio here. :D

I already loved him for his design and concepts of course, but the more I developed hisbackstory in relation to Ophiuchus and his dynamic with Cassie, I ended up making him a moresignificant character than he was in earlier drafts of the story. I am a sucker for the “edgelordmeets the cinnamon roll” dynamic and his slow transition from reluctant mentor to protectivefather/older brother with Cassie is so fun to write. :’D

He’s actually a bit hard to write too, as, like Snowy, I have to really think about how he wouldreact to certain things with a more reserved personality. But in Scorpio’s case, the contrast in personality between him and Cassie lends itself to a lot of good character moments, especiallywhen she can break down his walls a bit and show the lesser-known parts of his personality.Scorpio’s actually a bit of a prankster when in the right mood, so you can be sure he andCassie bond over that once she gets to know him (probably pranking Aries like Capricorn does,or Libra like Gemini does).

I also love writing the initial encounter stuff too, so I think having both is really what made mefall in love with Scorpio’s character as a whole. How he reacts to meeting Cassie does tie intohis connection with Ophiuchus, but that isn’t apparent until much later. Both Cassie’s Starglassand the one that Ophiuchus had give off the same “aura”, so before Scorpio even sees Cassiehe assumes hostility, sensing its presence. But on first impression, one assumes that Scorpiois hostile simply because that’s who he is, a stone-faced scorpion with a deadly glare and evendeadlier weapons. Taking one look at him would give anyone that impression, and Cassie isunderstandably terrified of him at first. This is amplified even further when she finds out he isher mentor, and thus the dynamic begins.

I really enjoyed the idea of Scorpio mentoring Cassie, as that gives Scorpio’s backstory acyclical nature. Ophiuchus was once Scorpio’s mentor, so having a similar job passed to himwith something as important as the Starglass, you can bet Scorpio’s got some extra baggagewhen it comes to that. Scorpio is also on the younger end of the spectrum in terms of agecompared to the rest of the zodiac (in his 20s, I’d say), so even he has some learning to dowhen it comes to teaching others. His zodiac companion, Scutum, was initially assigned to himas a sort of mentor in his early days as a sign as well, and it wasn’t all smooth sailing either.Despite his cool demeanour, Scorpio’s origins paint him as a lot more volatile than one mightthink. Though in the timeline of this story, that volatility only really shows in moments of trueperil, which is definitely present in the final climax. I’ve been fleshing out that part again lately,so it’ll be cool to have it come to light eventually. :’D